Healing the Invisible (2/3)
When I was a child, it was my mom I loved the best. When I was a teenager, I began questioning, was I worthy of befriending? As a young single mother, I wondered if I was worthy of another love?
Now in the winter of my years, snug under my covers warm and tight, my inner poet whispers in my ears at night, to not be afraid to bare my bosom to the moon and up gather my pollen like a sleeping flower.
When my days are no longer that of harmony, beauty and/or dramatic expression, Triton will blow his horn, and I will join my mom in deep repose, both of us eternally loved.
If you are reading this, you are probably wondering if your love and sex life can be made even better. Good sex makes your brain gel and your body flame. No one needs to be alone in tackling the misunderstanding between the sexes. I hope this helps you develop a vital, powerful love life.
There is no question about it, the “biggest sex organ” is always the mind. Negotiating your wants and desires is the key to couple performance and anxiety. Of course, cuddling lovingly and breathing in each other’s essence after coitus, will help both feel fulfilled and loved. Love affairs can be curious and wonderful, liquid strength with rhythmic energy to share between two.
But then I think of myself heartbroken when my longings were not his. Who snuffed out those flames and why doesn’t he love me like he used to? Backing off from intensity leaves us in so much pain, we often need months of silent healing. I can attest to the fact that letting someone get into bed with us takes a little recklessness and a lot of courage to try once our heart has been broken. It is also important that both partners devote enough time to make love and sex worthwhile.
If he does not have time to take his boots off or her blouse, it hurts our self-esteem to know our lover could not be bothered to undress. If you and your partner cannot spend enough time together, it is also very likely that the development of your love affair will stagnate and grind to a halt quickly. Some young couples expect their bodies to work like machines. We are not machines we can turn on and off with a button.
No one married or single, experienced or not, goes to bed without some sort of sexual misgivings. If it is your habit to turn the lights off you might be one of these people. If you are wondering how to bring back intimacy or excitement, remember our hearts and minds cannot be treated separately; they are woven into each sexual traveler whose destination is seldom known. If you are embarrassed by sex in the beginning, perhaps you need to talk about your fears and inhibitions before the clothes come off, or the lights come on.
Self-pleasuring leads to self-knowledge as is sharing information on each other like what erogenous zones turn you both on? The more we talk about our sexual fears and trepidations, the more our confidence will arise. No one wants to be pressured into having sex, especially women.
Dr. Tony Grant, the author of Being a Woman, says, “Women are passionately concerned about love, involved in it, and in search of it. Love is a female preoccupation, more the business of women than of men.” The Chinese Tao of Sexology says, “…a woman’s orgasm is likened to a flower, unfurling from the center, blooming in the sun as petal after petal unfolds. Inside herself she opens up entirely and surrenders to the man who can take her at any place and bring her to the most intense ecstasy…”
A decline in spontaneous desire can be avoided by imaginative stimulation of mind and body resulting in the Science of Ecstasy. Without a doubt, attaining and keeping of love is the single most popular theme employed in poetry, music, movies, television shows, novels and eBooks like mine.
Corinthians 13 reminds us; that love does not keep a record of wrongs, love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up. Its faith, hope, and patience never fail. Love is eternal. There is faith, hope and love; of these three the greatest is love.
Of course, love is mystical and much more than just a chemical attraction to others. With our child wonder still so easily accessible, there is nothing too ridiculous when contemplating the ecstasy of evoking passion in potential lovers. After all, most of us have an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
When each of us groans from loneliness and boredom, we should remember it is our head and ass that gives us the most joy, as well as the most trouble and pain. And, yes, sex is good for us in many ways. It lowers our stress levels. It helps us look between four and seven years younger. In fact, a large national study, women in their forties and fifties reported having more orgasms than women in their early twenties. Alyssa Mandel, an Arizona therapist, says, “What’s amazing is that repetitive, positive changes can alter brain chemistry and create new neural pathways.” These new neural pathways cause loss of appetite, sleeplessness, mood swings, the tendency to daydream, obsessive thoughts dancing through our mind, and irrational actions that supersede good sense.
Sex changes. We change. Relationships change. Our bodies change. We need to remain open to change and be ready for it one way or the other. Medical studies have repeatedly shown that companionship of family, friends and romantic partners are more crucial to our physical and mental states than we would suspect. People who are married appear to live longer lives.
Children grow faster, become more alert, and are better adjusted once they start school. We live in the state of perpetual searching for someone to love, something to do, something to love or something to hope for. We must surrender, and we must be submitted to. We are hungry to be both the master and the slave to love. We all have our secrets to making ourselves more alluring for potential lovers.
For instance, women shave their legs and men shave their faces. Men like to pump iron. Both genders pump their credit cards for perfumes and lotions. We dab these come-hither blossoms and spices to our erogenous zones like the wrist, the neck, and the bust. Dr. Tina Tessina, Relationship Expert, says it all in her poem, “O thorny Rose! Were you easy to pluck, would your fragrance be as sweet?” hat we often overlook in our mania to find love is our more basic need for companionship.
We are social creatures who need to find others to share our lives with. Love is more than icing on the cake; it is crucial to our existence. Love can start or stop wars. Love can build communities or destroy them. How we use our love can make the difference in how society evolves around us.
Masters and Johnson published a now-revolutionary study, Human Sexual Response, first defining the sexual response cycle. They divided this cycle into four stages: Arousal, Plateau; Orgasm, and Resolution. Whether you seek a lifelong mate, or simply want a new best friend; there are many ways to begin being sensual. Firstly, begin by putting your energies into being pleasing others; secondly, make yourself available; and thirdly, and this is the most important, practice on loving others who most need it.
New love can immediately make our eyes sparkle, our cheeks glow, and our lips pucker. Pay attention to your pheromones that are in a high “come and get me” mode when aroused. As a poet, I would describe our pheromones like little flashes of lightning that glitter with fragrance when we most desire them. The yellow brick road leading to “love, marriage, and sex” are often paved with the four P’s: Planning, Persistence, Pheromones, and Promiscuity. Our libido depends on our ability to become aroused. We need a healthy attitude toward sex and proper sexual functioning.