Healing the Invisible (3/3)
Chances are if you have lost communication in the bedroom, you have probably lost touch with other aspects of your life too.
Freud originally defined libido as a lust for life not lust for sex. In a silvery blend of our hopes, dreams and fears are written in our DNA, just like our sexuality. Sexuality is a big part of who we are. You cannot learn to romance yourself by notes or memorizing techniques.
It is about getting to know ourselves, paying attention to what feels good, and then following our intuitions wherever that may lead. There are many of us acting like cats, quick to coitus but slow to monogamy. When the moon shines and all the clubs are alive with music, body language will take you by the hand. Even cancer patients make their sexual experiences both more fulfilling and more pleasurable.
Good sex can open up many doors for you. Sometimes all we need is a gentle push to open up and share our feelings with others. In all cases, you have to give yourself permission to be sexual. Nothing could be healthier when partners are joyously connected in every way. Being asexual is not the same as celibacy, nor does it equate to being uninterested in sexual relationships altogether.
Any form of celibacy for different periods of two weeks, a month or a year, allow us to explore ourselves outside the eyes of another. All of us have to face the fact that we are living in such a sex-crazy society with all its up and downs. Discovery Fitness & Health tells us that, “People who have a good sex life feel better mentally and physically.” From a practical standpoint, there is less time for quality sex and intimacy. I am not going to write about HIV the disease that has taken so many by surprise after sexual relations. That is a whole book in itself.
Aging, on the other hand, brings a host of physical conditions that can affect what is going on in our bedroom. These include sexual dysfunction, cardiovascular conditions, arthritis and rheumatism, and a host of other problems.
“Adults on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or slightly more than once a week,” according to University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. Marital status and age are key influences in sexual satisfaction. It is true that monogamy is constraining. Of course, Jerry Springer has showed us there is a lot of fighting over who-beds-who? Many on his show illicit sex very indiscriminately. The problem being, once trust is broken, it can be forgiven but never forgotten. Maybe faithfulness should be contracted and strictly enforced or even prosecuted.
Stephany Alexander, relationship expert says, according to an adultery poll of over 5,000 women, where 52% or more said that adultery should be prosecuted in courts. In early 2007 an Arizona court prosecuted two married adulterers for the first time in over 30 years. Gloria Steinem, the well-known feminist, says, “Power can be taken, but not given; the process of the taking is empowerment in itself. What defines us is the courage and confidence to take control quietly or loudly.”
Statistics tells us that most of us experience at least five long relationships in our lifetime. However, statistics also tells us that an astounding 40 percent of women in this country experience no or very low sexual desire. In some cases, low libido has clear medical causes; but in other cases, the decline or absence of sexual desire stems from a combination of emotional and physiological cases. If you have ever been victimized or traumatized sexually, it’s important that you receive the help you need. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists is a trusted source for finding a therapist or counselor in your area who will help you work through any trauma or abuse. Contact them for more information.
I will admit my earthen body even though well over the hill, still yearns to be held again with or without the hot anticipation of his sex. I like to fanaticize turning back the clock and guiding once familiar lovers to my secret places. I am a woman cloaked in love not less noble than any other. I desire to be irresistibly desired to assure myself that “I am a woman.”
It is true, I am wounded from underprivileged beginnings and unfulfilled dreams. Whatever your love status, it is true, “God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why do you suppose God give us only one heart? Could it be because he wants to humble us into perpetually searching for our one soulmate?