The Best of Love

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‘Healing the Invisible’ is an excerpt from an eBook I’m working on, and a triumph of storytelling that looks with an unbiased heart at good and bad relationships.

Medical studies have repeatedly shown that the companionship of family, friends and romantic partners is more crucial to our physical and mental states than we would suspect. People who are married live longer lives. Children grow faster, become more alert, and are better adjusted once they start school.

The Best of Love - Rock Hudson and Julie Andrews kissing in film Darling Lilli (1968)

Rock Hudson and Julie Andrews kissing in film Darling Lilli (1968)

We live in the state of perpetual searching for someone to love, something to do, or something to hope for. We must surrender, and we must be committed to feeling human. Most of us are hungry to be both the master and the slave to love. We all have our secrets to make ourselves more alluring for potential lovers.

For instance, women shave their legs and men shave their faces. Men like to pump iron. Both genders pump their credit cards for perfumes and lotions with come-hither blossoms and spices to spray our erogenous zones like the wrist, the neck, and the bust. Dr. Tina Tessina, Relationship Expert, says it all in her poem, “O thorny Rose! Were you easy to pluck, would your fragrance be as sweet?”

What we often overlook in our mania to seek a mate is the most fundamental issue of needing companionship. We are social creatures who need to find others to share our lives with. Love is more than icing on the cake; it is crucial to our existence. Whether you seek a lifelong mate or simply want a new best friend, there are many ways to begin. Firstly, begin by putting your energies into being pleasing others; secondly, make yourself available; and thirdly, and this is the most important, practice on loving others who most need it.

Attraction can immediately make our eyes sparkle, our cheeks glow, and our lips pucker. At the same time, our pheromones are in a “come and get me” mode. As a poet, I would describe our pheromones like little flashes of lightning that glitters with come-and-get-me fragrances. The yellow brick road leading to “love, marriage, and sex” is often paved with the three P’s; planning, persistence and more often than not detours of bumpy regrettable promiscuity.

Love is a double-edged sword that can cause elation and fear at the same time. Unfortunately for some of us, fear often dictates how much love, happiness, and success we think we are or are not worthy of. Most humans are consumed with how to find it and where to look for it? Some of who have been hurt by love must learn how to go on living without it. Those who have experienced heartbreak become masters at inventing excuses to justify their inabilities to sustain love. Even when we’re coiffed, perfumed and eager for love, we must be deserving of it before it can blossom. Each lover leaves a piece of their soul with us, and we leave a piece of our soul with them. If we’re lucky enough to experience a connection with a genuine soulmate, we set aflame every cell in your body when your minds connect. Ursula K. LeGuin says, “It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters in the end.”

Why I have the passion of writing, I resign to God’s inscrutable purpose. Human wisdom is thought to be accumulated through years and generations. Many days I am deep in thought, contemplating the phenomena of invisible forces. Knowledge is power. “As soon as questions of will or decision, or reason, or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss.” I’m not a doctor, I write for fun and wellness, yours and mine, but I also write to inspire others to be present, mindful and authentic to your dreams, intuitions and other coincidences.

You may not agree with me, but I feel like I have been given all the tools I needed to write this book for you. Looking at love today is a complicated subject. The hardest thing in beginning this book was to cut away all that is incidental, and keep only that which remains as the nobility of a healer. I feel like it is pretty impossible to build good relationships until we’ve burned away our youth and its fairy-tales, as well as learned misapprehensions about love. I must admit creating a book about loving and being loved is like having a foot in two worlds. The idea of double-dipping into sensual matters intrigues and excites me; after all, love is the fuel that drives the human engine.

Most of us have the same goals in mind; intimacy, compatibility, communication, love, sex, and alas,  mutual orgasm. Unfortunately, because we are often timid when it comes to having the “talk” about sexual satisfaction, couples stay imprisoned beneath dark clouds of predated misconceptions. I don’t exactly remember the moment when I realized each of us dies a little when we lose love, and then we come alive again with each new one. When moving from one love to another, I wrote a lot of poetry:

Growing Love
When I was a child it was my mom I loved the best when I was a teenager, I began questioning, was I worthy to befriend? As a young single mother, I wondered if I was worthy of another love? Now in the winter of my years, snug under my covers warm and tight, my inner poet whispers in my ears at night, to not be afraid to bare my bosom to the moon and up gather my pollen like a sleeping flower, when my days are no longer that of harmony, beauty and/or dramatic expression, Triton will blow his horn and I will join my mom in deep repose, both of us eternally loved.

Tears are like Pollywogs
It is nice to think of tears like pollywogs swimming around in a mortal’s eyes, evolving into well-adjusted higher forms, with better motor control and hand-eye co-ordination, ascending rather than descending, bending rather than breaking, reaffirming rather than hurting, and smiling rather than frowning, it is nice to think of sorrow as water, and all those tears escaping where swelling pain had been, nice to think our sorrow will soon evaporate just like our tears, turning our attention to helping others evolve.

Below are a few hints when contemplating love and its rewards:

  1. Indulge — rather than deride — your love of quiet time. A little “me time” will enable you to re-energize and do your best thinking.
  2. Scrap the small talk. There’s no need to be the last man standing at a social event; aim to have a few thoughtful conversations rather than working the room — which can be draining.
  3. Chalk yourself up (without talking yourself up). Promote your strengths quietly through writing, using social networking tools, building healthy relationships, and asking for introductions and referrals.
  4. Make pals with public speaking. “It’s a highly efficient use of your energy,” …says Ancowitz. “Get up in front of the room once and reach many more people than you normally would in a day.”
  5. Be the “go-to” person in your area of expertise. Write about it, speak about it, and spread the word to people who would benefit from it.
  6. Practice your lines. Ancowitz suggests that something as simple as “Hello, my name is Nancy,” along with good eye contact and an extended hand, is usually all you need.
  7. Be a matchmaker. This positions you as a valuable connector and takes the spotlight off of you.

Below are a few other ways I have found useful in chasing a loving relationship:

  1. Get to know what it is that “you want” and what it is “you need.”
  2. Learn to contend with gravity, society and yourself
  3. Know where is a will, there is a way.
  4. Connect with your true self, don’t mimic others. 
  5. Don’t let agitation blow through you like a cruel wind
  6. Balance fun with rest and exercise
  7. Realize that the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
  8. Express yourself creatively, for purpose and better self-esteem.

Let your optimism fall like seeds to the moist warm ground to take root in the footsteps of others.

I’ve found great joy in creativity like writing articles and poetry on my website, sculpting clay, making jewelry and doing other crafts.  Each project opens my heart to reach out to others and their smiles soothe my weary heart. Of course, without hands I’d be entirely alone, empty and sad.  In any regards, I get great spiritual strength in words, “…the meek shall inherit the world.” I believe no one is an accident. Trying new things is how we learn about ourselves. I am a proud writer, artist and woman who may feel insufficient at times. I’ve found it is best to look at life honestly with courage. To be truthful, I’m like deer in the forest, happiest and most confident when I’m least seen and most read.

* * *

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”

― William W. Purkey

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

2 Responses to "The Best of Love"

  1. Giusi Mastronelli  July 29, 2015 at 11:12

    Bravo, Joyce, for sharing your ‘Healing the Invisible’ project.
    Keep us up-to-date, OK?

    Reply
  2. Joyce White  July 13, 2017 at 18:56

    Thanks for your comment Giusi Mastronelli. My new book on the Art of Love and Loving is almost in print. I will let you all know. In the meantime, please look me up on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joyce.white.9615. See ya there!

    Reply

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