Romancing Ourselves First
Compromise is the key to long-time problems. It is strange how mean words can return years after they’ve been callously thrown at us. Words like “You’re a loser, You’re useless,” or “You will never amount to anything.”
As the years pass these words play like videos, again and again, spiking a renewed sense of pain, anger, and failure. These memories stab our heart, not unlike nightmares from which we wake up crying, undermining our confidence and hope for a new day. In relationships, we must be aware that words can eat away at love. Only kindness can renew our hearts whether we’re in love or not. What the world needs now is kindness.
I’ve come to realize even the broken-hearted are lucky to have loved and lost. We carry little pieces of our beautiful memories with us even after love has ended. Yes, there are heartbreakers out there and we’ve got to protect ourselves with respect and temperance for our hearts and our bodies. When we must move on, we distinctly know it. Whether we want to admit it or not. Making love is the greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve and it shouldn’t be wasted because of pain and anger.
Do you think your love-making as routine, boring, one-sided and/painful? If guilt, shame or pain are taking a toll on your love life, perhaps it would be better if you romanced yourself first. Once you form this bond with yourself, you automatically produce the groundwork for intimacy with yourself and others.
When you are ready to have sex again, many therapists suggest using an arousal cream if you’ve dried up and are unable to respond in intimate times. It causes the blood to rush to that area creating a heightened sensitivity. It is good to place our focus on the intimate aspects of our relationships, such as communication, massage, hugging, and cuddling. This enables our minds to focus on loving and being loved both mentally and physically.
No matter how diverse people may be, no matter how culturally different they may seem and no matter how economically far apart they are, the one common factor that binds them together is the desire to be happy. We go to great lengths and cross many metaphorical oceans and mountains to recapture fun in our lives. Do you think about how far you’ve come, or how far will you go to do this?
Happiness, however, is not as elusive as many people think it to be. Many people seem to equate happiness with wealth, power and/or success. Being raised in this modern materialistic world crushes a person’s ideology. Right from childhood, ideas of jealousy and hatred are instilled into us with swift precision. Thus, we can never truly equate our happiness with the number of our earthly possessions. Most of the religions have already understood this concept, and therefore, gave us affirmations like:
• Forget your mistakes and remember they come with lessons.
• To survive and thrive, we must do everything with passion, compassion, humor, and style.
• Stay away from negative people and live in mindfulness of what is important to you.
• The highest appreciation is in what comes free of material design.
This does not mean that people should forgo all material possessions; rather they should try to wane off reliance on them. How can we do without our phones, computers, game consoles, and music players? How can we sit in absolute silence and try to find the calmness we so need? How can we truly begin knowing ourselves? Maybe, there are more questions than answers.
I urge everyone reading this to take pleasure in each moment and do absolutely nothing within it. Don’t work, don’t play, use no computer, no music, and no external entertainment. Just sit in a quiet place, maybe, surrounded by nature and let go of everything that worries you. Then spend some time thinking about how truly blessed you are. Being kind, grateful and generous can draw others to you like a magnet.
Many of us go into relationships out of need rather than love. We must learn to be perfectly flexible and compassionate for others have needs also. Looking for love takes a lot of trials and errors, picking and choosing, dating and bar hopping, to render us even an inkling of what to expect from love.