Brain sex causes thrills, chills and a lot of head confusion. Some of us conjure up an image in our minds of touching and pleasuring almost to a climax.
Until recently, exactly what happens in the brain during sex was something of a mystery to scientists. Many of us need to jump-start our rhythms by making sex fun again. Because we are all connected, any change in our heart will have an effect on our partner. The scientists from Rutgers University, New Jersey, used scans to monitor women’s brains during orgasm and found that different brain parts are activated when various parts of her body are aroused.
They found that up to 30 different parts of the brain are activated, including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. The scientists also found that two minutes before orgasm the brain’s reward centers become active like when we eat food or drink. The final part of the brain to be activated is the hypothalamus, the ‘controlling’ part which regulates temperature, hunger, thirst, and tiredness. “The love and emotional nourishment we try to find through food are the love every human being deserves to receive. Without self-love, you will search endlessly for love from somewhere outside, and when you are disappointed or rejected, food will become the obvious substitute,” says Deb Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind.
Immediately before they reached the peak, other areas of the brain became affected such as the sensory cortex, which receives ‘touch’ messages from the body.
The part of sex that women enjoy the most is in the fact that when we make love, “we are one.” We all chase that ‘feeling good’ flowering emotion-in-motion by putting our hard-earned money into the four rituals of getting there; attraction, sexual stimulation, and orgasm. Men are strongly attracted to women with large breasts, thinner waists, and broad hips. A stand-out booty is all the rage now. Men would rather see us going than coming that is for sure; however, women would rather see men coming than going.
Many of us go overboard trying to be what others want us to be. So much can go wrong when envy turns to obsession and we feel pressured into being something we are not. We all got issues in our daily lives that need fixing, and sex is only a big deal only if you want it to be in a marriage or outside of! Again, there must be a meeting of the minds, yeah or nay. The rest is just groovy. His pleasure should be her pleasure, and her pleasure should be his pleasure. Whatever sexual personality we were dealt with, and there are many, we must learn to negotiate for mutual respect, joy, and satisfaction.
Here are some questions to help you and your partner become more sensually aware:
- Are you a visual person? Do you find yourself aroused by an image in print or video?
- Are you an auditory person? Does a particular kind of music with words or without relax you and make your mind turn to things sexual?
- Are you a tactile person? In order to get aroused, do you need to be caressed, kissed, or touched in a specific way?
- Are you an oral person? Does a tender, moist kiss get you most excited? A nice glass of red wine or a sweet taste of dark chocolate?
Kissing starts with the senses and ends with the senses. It doesn’t take much brain to lock lips with others.
- Do you have a strong sense of smell? Does the scent of your lover turn you on? Perhaps, a cinnamon candle or other scent of your choice does the trick?
Following is one of my favorite poems by Robert Herrick, The Art of Kissing, “Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score; Then to that twenty, add a hundred more; A thousand to that hundred; so kiss on, To make that thousand up a million; Treble that million, and when that is done, Let’s kiss afresh, as when we first begun. While Shakespeare once said, “No sooner met but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason they sought the remedy.”
Most of us take kissing for granted. Must we be hard-wired to be a good kisser? Two heads are always better than one when it comes to kissing…that is for sure. We all agree touch is the mother of the senses and kissing is a specialized form of touching, head to head, and lips to lips. Let’s see there is the French habit of kissing the hands of your beloved first; after all, we’ve got to start somewhere. Some think we have to practice to be perfect which might be true. I’ve found that no amount of practice can help a bad kisser or someone with bad breath.
Albert Einstein said, “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” When we’re young, we might start out sucking on fresh a peach, progressing to warm blood filled limbs of our best friend’s forearms, laughing all the time. Once we understand kissing takes two heads and four consenting lips. We can begin enjoying the much talked about sensuous zones. Lips need only to sit back and enjoy the magic of love. Kisses performed in an affectionate manner add to our soul’s estate and our self-esteem. A kiss is always a good credit because it is always profitable when returned.
Cummings says, “Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.” Who of us does not dream of kisses that set our hearts afire? Kisses can be romantic, boring and/or terrifying all at the same time depending on your maturity level. For many of us, kisses are our first close encounter with others. Only a kiss can bestow the gift of eternal youth for the elderly. I haven’t been partaking lately in the art of kissing but that doesn’t mean we elders don’t still like to be kissed. Youngsters give their kisses blindly for they haven’t learned to barter like adults for affection.
Preteens and teenagers on the other hand barter with every kiss that get and give. In the case of grandma kissing grandpa, most quickly delivered pecks-on-the-cheek can still deliver a message of loyal affection, gratitude, compassion, sympathy, intense joy and at times even profound sorrow. Don’t forget we parents, grandparents and elderly find unsought kisses and hugs highly pleasurable with profound gratitude. A popular proverb says, “A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.” Some kisses demand too much in return. We have to be careful to weigh the consequences of kissing when we’re not in love. Humans and animals like dogs, cats, dolphins and even fish enjoying lip-locking smacks. Johnny Depp says, “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.”
Why do we like kissing so much? Could it be we began our oral fixation by suckling either of mom’s breasts or later its replacement? Our teenagers begin their journey by blowing kisses or holding hands. Kissing leads our children to maturity, the sad and lonely to the feeling of being wanted and needed, and some of us kiss our crosses when sending our beloved ones to the angels. In Genesis, it is written that when Jacob died, “Joseph fell upon his father’s face and wept upon and kissed him.” Unfortunately, a kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. You might think of a kiss as the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. An old Chinese Proverb says, “Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases…” Kisses are also like tears the only real ones are the ones you can’t hold back.
Excerpts from Psychology of Love, Marriage & Sex