Coupling Hints for Today
We were on our honeymoon. As I began to undress in the honeymoon suite, my husband, who was a big burly man with a grand sense of humor, tossed his pants to me and said, “Here put these on.”
I replied, “I can’t wear your pants, the waist is twice the size of my feminine body.” “That’s right!!” said my husband, “and don’t you forget it! I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that, I flipped him my panties and said, “Here, try these on.” He could only get them on as far as his kneecaps and said to me humorously, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” “That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude.”
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard when our egos clash like above. Love and marriage can be like a two-edged sword, considering more than 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Once cut many of us try to resist the genius that is love. We were not created to be alone. One of my favorite songs goes something like, “only love can break a heart and only love can heal it again.” Without knowing love personally, you’ll experience a life-long feeling of deprivation, disappointment, scarcity, and resentment.
I am thankful to all those who have entered my life and shared their love with me. I am confident most of us believe falling in love is a good thing. Nothing is lonelier than not knowing love. We all deserve to love and be loved. Finding companionship is love’s greatest reward.
Unfortunately, the marriage license has become more of a business contract rather than a binding of our souls. Many want to be in love, but not so many want to be married. The marriage license that binds woman and man as husband and wife is becoming more of a hindrance than a good thing. Marriage is changing more every day. Let’s see, there is – – him and her, him and him, and her and her. Whether married or not, companionship ranks high on our list of priorities when it comes to coupling no matter what our gender. Like everything good in life, loving in bed or out, takes time, effort and commitment.
There are many reasons to get married and just as many to stay single. To get our groove on with others, we must effectively arm ourselves with an open mind, a willing heart, two enfolding arms, two receptive ears, and one sensitive mouth. We need to respect each other in bed and out.
For those men and women who are afraid to take the risk of coupling, they will never know the genius that is love and sex. There is a lot of propaganda about why you do it and how you do it. I find that most women like a lot of time spent around the G-spot and breasts. We like to talk about sex as much as hugging, kissing, and foreplay. A gentle soothing massage on the back and front can gently propel us into a loving mood but so can be doing the dishes for us one night a week. We’ve all got preferences in and out of bed, but pleasing the other should be our main goal. We all got issues in our daily lives that need fixing, whether they’re yours, or his; and sex is a big deal only if you want it to be! There must be a meeting of the minds, yeah or nay. The rest is just groovy.
The definition of communication to a woman is the deep sharing of emotions and feelings not the sharing of obscene jokes like some men think. Women don’t like funny nicknames, so don’t go there with Raymond from the television comedy. Believe it or not, girls like to be nice and naughty. We like to hear our names. We like to talk, and we like to listen.
Few of us like to be pulled from one position to another like a rag-doll. We don’t like biting, spanking, pulsating, and/or jabbing of the genitals, yours or ours. Most of us like slow, rolling, get to the right place and spend some time there with a little tenderness and a little good humor. Looking outside of marriage for orgasm will never fix the problems in your own bedroom.
I wonder why men don’t value their position as head of household, lover and provider of the family. There are many magazines and television shows devoted to teaching them. If you have an inquiring mind or have couple-issues, come to my website, and read my favorite Doctor of Romance. She is a Ph.D. and is very popular in couple’s counseling. It doesn’t take a doctor to know most of us women don’t want to watch a man roll off and away from us after orgasm. His pleasure should be our pleasure together we are one. This is the hidden love part of sex that we women enjoy the most. The fact that we are one. We nest that way. I don’t think any of us should rush into sex especially the young. The implications of sexual intercourse far outweigh the understanding of the juvenile mind. Yes, it is risky to have sex for health reasons, as well. Most of us have had broken hearts. When we’re hurt by someone we love and trust, we may become angry, sad or confused. I’ve come to realize even the brokenhearted are lucky to have loved and lost.
We carry little pieces of their memories with us like treasure. Their memory showers us post joy and renewed affection. Yes, there are heartbreakers out there, and we’ve got to protect ourselves with respect and temperance for our hearts and our bodies. When we have to move on, we distinctly know it, whether we want to admit it or not. Making love is the greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve, and it shouldn’t be wasted on the young. This is what the psychology of love is all about. It is also a shame to waste our pent-up desires by sitting on the couch watching others on television. I enjoy the irony of the phrase – – if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. It is so much better to make love when you trust each other to be around for cuddling later. Steve Martin, the comedian, tells us, “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
A funny thing; millions have been invested in sexual arousal for women, but nothing works as good as talking. I like to think that our bodies usually follow our heads when it comes to great sex. When thinking about getting our groove on, we need to remember that anything that wakes up our senses, will tickle our hormones, like scented powders, candles, music, and even handy-dandy props or ice cubes.
We are not perfect, and we often let each other down and let ourselves down. If we allow fear or negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, we may very well close the door to the eventuality of true love. I’m positive there is one true love for each of us; although, we may have to keep picking and choosing, till we get to the right one. Falling in love means to focus on someone else for a change. This is the genius that is love, and this is the genius that is great sex.
Even with all its drawbacks, most would answer emphatically, “Yes! Love is astounding!” It makes you want to jump and jive. I hope my words help you get in touch with how you like to be touched and how best to trigger your joy of arousal. Why I have been endowed with the passion for writing on these subjects, I resign to God’s inscrutable purpose. If you are not in a relationship right now, you may find my words useful as a way to help hone your sense of self for future relationships. Everything in these pages is based on solid, medically sound research and findings by marriage and sex therapists.
There are many common hang-ups that often get in the way of us enjoying our sexuality. Some are related to emotional issues; others are medical or health-related questions. Did you know that any kind of stress can make your body dry up and difficult to respond to sexually? Do you think of sex as routine, boring, one-sided and/painful? If guilt, shame or pain is taking a toll on your love life, perhaps it would be better if you romanced yourself. Once you form this bond with yourself, you automatically lay the groundwork for intimacy with yourself and others. When you are ready to have sex again, many therapists suggest using an arousal cream. It causes the blood to rush to that area creating a heightened sensitivity. It is good to place our focus on the intimate aspects of our relationships, such as communication, massage, hugging, and cuddling. This enables our minds to focus on each other.
You may not agree with me, but I feel like I have been given all the tools I needed to write this book for you. The hardest thing in beginning this book was to cut away all that is incidental and keep only that which remains as the nobility of love, marriage and the Science of Ecstasy. I feel like it is pretty impossible to build good relationships until we’ve burned away our youth and its fairytales, as well as learned misapprehensions about love, marriage, and sex. I must admit creating a book about loving and being loved is like having a foot in two worlds. The idea of double-dipping into sensual matters intrigues and excites me; after all, love is the fuel that drives the human engine. I’m not a doctor; I write for fun and wellness, yours and mine. I also write to inspire others to be present, mindful and authentic to your intuitions.
Sylvia Brown, the psychic says, in her book, Phenomenon, “It is just a fact that every single one has a purpose in life. With every experience, come building blocks toward fulfilling that purpose. Our spirit minds know what that purpose is whether our conscious minds can define it or not. Who of us would not want to fall into paradise with the exact tools we needed to fall in love and have amazing sex? Maybe, your sexuality in the past had been judged as bad, dirty or morally wrong? Even so, most of us have the same goals in mind; intimacy, compatibility, communication, love, sex, and orgasm. Unfortunately, because we are often timid when it comes to having the “talk” about sexual satisfaction, couples stay imprisoned beneath heavy clouds of predated misconceptions.
Each of us dies a little when we lose love. Orientals believe that the flesh and mind are inextricably bound. Westerners call this state a sense of wholeness and well-being, the milk of all relationships. Mark Twain gives us his advice, “We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there.” Understanding ourselves is paramount in understanding love’s lessons. Make no mistake about it; even a loving heart and mind require tremendous human patience, intelligence, and skill. All of us can improve their relationships and gain a sparkling life by learning to love physically and mentally.
You might try imagining yourself on a beach. Can you feel the soft breezes on your face, your arms? Can you feel the sand between your toes? Can you hear the rhythm of the waters as the surf comes in? In other words, live in the moment. Sex is more about being present in the moment than about technique. If you are able to imagine the above sensual experiences, bring the same level of attention and heightened awareness of your lovemaking.