A Door You May Never Be Able To Open

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A Door You May Never Be Able To Open

A Door You May Never Be Able To Open: It’s like you have been walking, moving; it seems like in a maze of rooms, getting through passages and doors.

You don’t see any windows. You don’t know whether it is darkness or light that surrounds you. It sometimes seems like you are walking on a road, a strip road, a path but with doors.

You didn’t know where you were going, but you couldn’t stop. Sometimes you would feel as if you were walking in a road spiked with nails, but you don’t feel any pain but the idea of pain. You are pain itself, so you can’t feel yourself. Sometimes you feel like you have been walking in a tunnel, underground, somewhere down there, but not upwards. You are walking through doors down there. You know you can feel it. You know you are seeing a particular door. It’s ahead of you. It has the inscription “this is it.” You move closer and closer to this door. You take hold of the handle. You are about to open it. You are now opening it; you are opening it…

I was thinking of a door, the idea of opening doors. A door you don’t know what’s lying behind it. A door that might change your life permanently, profoundly, it’s a door that you know you have to get a good feel of its handle. The idea of the police detective in a crime film opening a door, in the chase of, or looking for a crime doer, who might be waiting for this police officer, behind the door, with a loaded gun.

This offers another look at what that door could represent. It might be the door to the outside, to the backyard lawn, beautiful garden, and beautiful pool. It might be the door to another door, further ahead, and the idea of opening one door after another and another…it is a perpetuating feeling. It might be a door you may never be able to open. It might be a locked door. It might require breaking into. It defeats the whole image of a door. It lets that which is behind the door to take another form, posture, to disappear, to ruffle things a little, even to change them. It is a door. It might be a door into the very insides of things, feelings, lives, worlds.

Worlds that are so far into realms beyond the scribble of this pen. This journey, into doors, the path to, it takes or asks for more, for much more. It asks that you be fully there, to walk with your full weight, full feet, full belief in the journey. Full will to open these doors, and keep getting inside and outside of doors. This journey doesn’t require force, physical force, but an inside will, a propelling will, a believing will, a questioning consciousness. It requires great maturity, emotional maturity. It builds great emotional maturity.

I like to open doors, new doors, then closing doors, old doors. New doors propose something exciting. Closing doors is a hard take. It’s either when you close a door you close yourself inside or outside. Closing yourself inside a door could equate to closing yourself in a personal prison, sometimes without the wherewithal to get outside. It makes you feel so caged, like in prison. Closing yourself inside doors becomes a problem, a big problem when you know you won’t get outside of these closed cells of your own making. Failing to find answers, solutions to questions and problems is a headache, especially to problems that won’t let you alone.

But, of course, closing yourself inside doors sometimes makes you feel safe, secure, ensconced, protected. Closing myself outside doors tend to make me feel liberated. I feel I would rather stay outside closed doors, explore the outside. It is a horizon world. The only problem is knowing I can’t go back inside the door I have just closed. Even though I know there is not much to be got by going back, the impossibility of it all is an ideal world. This idea is an idea…

Ideas are like doors, are another thing that amazes me. They open up like doors. You have to open them, pursue them, and own them if you can. The more you pursue them, the more you get deeper and deeper into their mysteries, their meaningful worlds. The worlds of ideas can be a soft or stubborn take. Love takes to the idea of doors too. It can be a stubborn thing. It all depends on the pursuing, the opening of doors, and its own love doors. Lives, countries, worlds, and many other things follow the idea of doors, the opening of doors…

1 Comment
  1. Joyce White says

    Tendai, Good article, a lot of information here.

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