Rap

Poetry
Avatar of Brandon Craig Jones Mr.JBy Brandon Craig Jones Mr.J
0

rap

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Everybody already is calling me, a prodigy, and an anomaly, got to be open mind lobotomy A novelty, an oddity, a Democracy, a part of me is so hard to see, spectacles like optometry Or probably, or possibly, a Hippocrates, a lot of me is so hard to pee, testicles like proctology Try stalking me roam, following me home as my flows velocity goes like a Travelocity Nome

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Respectively the complexity of the successfully technically phonetically poetically said to me Collectively impressively aesthetically deceptively unethically impromptu Are you kidding’ me

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My editor is a secular regular questionnaire settler from Delaware text messenger on cellular with diviner stepsister reveller her pedicure room temperature who’s registrar as competitor for senator of Ecuador sure spending more than the expenditure of every cash register embezzler executor developer everywhere in the western hemispheres a metaphor no sequitur he’s a molecular wrestler predator

I’m faster, faster, and faster than  you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3

My records twirl like Michelangelo’s Nun Chucks&-Emilio-Esteves with a Mighty-Duck-Hockey-Puck My album sales will be fat as Jared-before-Subway Bigger than Jamie-Foxx on ‘Any Given-Sunday’
I am going to blow up like defective Firestone Tire See more red carpet than a full-time-LA-limo-driver

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3

I will rap tripper than an Arizona-Cactus-full-of-Peyote Faster than Road-Runner chased by Wile Coyote
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My style will be newer than Lax Luther’s Tube of Rogaine Be controversial as Mona-Lewinski’s-sticky icky-stain I will record songs so sick that they will need anti-biotic Like Batman’s nemesis, Penguin; they’re-diabolic My record sales will shock MGM like a dafribleater I’ll get cash-cool-as-an-Eskimos-Subzero Refrigerator

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My agent will take cut like a Kill-Bill-Samurai-Blade He will cover his tracks with Febreeze-Lysol-or-Glade
Then I will get right to the point like the ears-of-Spock My autograph will be as famous as John Hancock My flow will be hotter than Texas-Pete-from Alpaso Be hot as Wonder-Woman tied in a Golden-Lasso Fan base will be wider than a Republican-tax-bracket On more juke boxes than Fonzarelli’s-leather-jacket Gonna get awards like a movie-w/Dakota-Fanning

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Make my pockets deep as a grave-in-Grand-Canyon
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My songs will be collectible like KISS-merchandise I will grab attention like a black shirt covered-in-lice My technique will be unique like a mime-that-speaks Lyrics deep as poor-mans-bucket-when the-roof leaks Barcodes won’t stick cuz my music will be priceless Sales scarier than Jim-Jones-Kew-lade saying, Try-this my rhythm will be tighter than TSA-Airport-Security
Words witty as the Geico-Gecko that’s insuring-me

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3

My stereo will only play records that are Platinum My songs will be on FBI top10 with agents after-them
I’ll spit hot fire like on Hendrix’s-Fender-Strats Crazier than a postal-worker-return-to-sender-stats

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two I’m twice as quick,you’re half the speed If you’ve said two Bars said 3

A-rap-a-tap-tap who is at that door guesses you get 4 or 3 plus 1 more or 2 multiplied times 2 Count amount round about 4-ish; 1 fish 2 fish red fish blue Horton Hears a Cindy Lou Who Is Hemingway is coming my way I thought Lewis Carol or F Scott Fitzgerald maybe not Asking’ me who’s great like Gatsby, u dunno him pseudonym Mr.J heavy doc 1.21 jigger watt

I am faster, faster, and faster than you If you have said one bar I’ve said two Twice as quick, you’re half the speed If you have said two bars I’ve said 3
If rap was a table with a Jingo tower of stacked wooden blocks I’d win it in a minute because you’re unstable like Michael J fox My hooks are the shape of a pirate’s fist-in the case of an amputee
Your ears are babiesmy rhymes are the sitter named Casey Anthony
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Plan-tah battle I’m baffled bedazzled frazzled sleepless in Seattle keep this sheep cattle so fragile the shackle spackled is a challenge not to crackle not tackled scrabble in shambles not ample to handle You straggle as you dabble in babble that’s hell on TV and I can’t change the channel to the big apple Cackle and gaggle like a jackal drug addled by shackles of chapel rabble up the path with no paddle
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My editor is a secular regular questionnaire settler from Delaware text messenger on cellular with diviner stepsister reveler her pedicure room temperature who’s registrar as competitor for senator of Ecuador sure spending more than the expenditure of every cash register embezzler executor developer everywhere in the western hemisphere as a metaphor non sequitur he’s a molecular wrestler predator

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
I’m spitting hot flames of fire like dragons on the Game of Thrones I’m balling 4 grand in my left hand not calling 4g on my 5th iPhone Beard is like New Testament Jesus no homage to the bible or entourage of 12 disciples My addiction confess that its crucifixion until my interventions Pontius Pilate disliked this
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
You’re talking shit I’m the opposite you’re an argument I’m a compliment
Your bubble lips undecided sequel undivided equal two sticks doublement
My wide tongue multiplied sum times one tried gum orbits mix with eclipse

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
You unsure or wanna battle?You hardcore or sorta fragile? You studio apt or stone castle? You convenient or a hassle? You strike 3 or Mickey Mantle? You BFF or can I not stand ya? You a horseshoe or a saddle? You a limp dick or an ass hole? It’s not a game, Milton Bradley McFucked up meals not happy Hansom ransom for kidnapping Jenga tower fell while stacking Hitchcock shower curtain red splatter is squirting

Now a blood bath 4 certain I’d imagine id be hurting from your knife stabbing me like Joe dirt when had no family slashing every artery gashing every part of me carved like a turkey on thanksgiving starved for my hunger of once living sure it’s cataclysmic but if I was a critic I’d say the worst of it There’s no ternicut For me to terminate this surely unfortunate Untimely death final breath Wound in the chest that’s surely too late And I bet its seeming it’d be impeding Some or the bleeding that just is keeping Leaving veins & seeping Then more repeating Eventually depleting Finally fleeting from my heart torn apart Cut and slit Bout to quit Needing for constant beating Be sure of me Bout to start sleeping No dreaming for eternity Do u still wanna battle or not I hope now after I said a lot you’ve given it a 2nd thought If u do you’re high on pot That’s why u forgot But you had your shot Time to pay for what u bought

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Everybody already is calling me, a prodigy, and an anomaly, got to be open mind lobotomy A novelty, an oddity, a Democracy, a part of me is so hard to see, spectacles like optometry Or probably, or possibly, a Hippocrates, a lot of me is so hard to pee, testicles like proctology Try stalking me roam, following me home as my flows velocity goes like a Travelocity Nome
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Respectively the complexity of the successfully technically phonetically poetically said to me Collectively impressively aesthetically deceptively unethically impromptu Are you kidding’ me

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My editor is a secular regular questionnaire settler from Delaware text messenger on cellular with diviner stepsister reveller her pedicure room temperature who’s registrar as competitor for senator of Ecuador sure spending more than the expenditure of every cash register embezzler executor developer everywhere in the western hemispheres a metaphor no sequitur he’s a molecular wrestler predator

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My records twirl like Michelangelo’s Nun Chucks&-Emilio-Esteves with a Mighty-Duck-Hockey-Puck My album sales will be fat as Jared-before-Subway Bigger than Jamie-Foxx on ‘Any Given-Sunday’ I am going to blow up like defective Firestone Tire See more red carpet than a full-time-LA-limo-driver
I will rap tripper than an Arizona-Cactus-full-of-Peyote Faster than Road-Runner chased by Wile Coyote

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My style will be newer than Lax Luther’s Tube of Rogaine Be controversial as Mona-Lewinski’s-sticky icky-stain I will record songs so sick that they will need anti-biotic Like Batman’s nemesis, Penguin; they’re-diabolic My record sales will shock MGM like a dafribleater I’ll get cash-cool-as-an-Eskimos-Subzero Refrigerator

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My agent will take cut like a Kill-Bill-Samurai-Blade He will cover his tracks with Febreeze-Lysol-or-Glade
Then I will get right to the point like the ears-of-Spock My autograph will be as famous as John Hancock My flow will be hotter than Texas-Pete-from Alpaso Be hot as Wonder-Woman tied in a Golden-Lasso Fan base will be wider than a Republican-tax-bracket On more juke boxes than Fonzarelli’s-leather-jacket Gonna get awards like a movie-w/Dakota-Fanning Make my pockets deep as a grave-in-Grand-Canyon

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My songs will be collectible like KISS-merchandise I will grab attention like a black shirt covered-in-lice My technique will be unique like a mime-that-speaks Lyrics deep as poor-mans-bucket-when the-roof leaks Barcodes won’t stick cuz my music will be priceless Sales scarier than Jim-Jones-Kew-lade saying, Try-this my rhythm will be tighter than TSA-Airport-Security Words witty as the Geico-Gecko that’s insuring-me
My stereo will only play records that are Platinum My songs will be on FBI top10 with agents after-them
I’ll spit hot fire like on Hendrix’s-Fender-Strats Crazier than a postal-worker-return-to-sender-stats

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two I’m twice as quick,you’re half the speed If you’ve said two Bars I’ve said
3 A-rap-a-tap-tap who is at that door guesses you get 4 or 3 plus 1 more or 2 multiplied times 2 Count amount round about 4-ish; 1 fish 2 fish red fish blue Horton Hears a Cindy Lou Who Is Hemingway is coming my way I thought Lewis Carol or F Scott Fitzgerald maybe not Asking’ me who’s great like Gatsby, u dunno him pseudonym Mr.J heavy doc 1.21 jigger watt

I am faster, faster, and faster than you If you have said one bar I’ve said two Twice as quick, you’re half the speed If you have said two bars I’ve said 3
If rap was a table with a Jingo tower of stacked wooden blocks I’d win it in a minute because you’re unstable like Michael J fox My hooks are the shape of a pirate’s fist-in the case of an amputee
Your ears are babiesmy rhymes are the sitter named Casey Anthony
I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
Plan-tah battle I’m baffled bedazzled frazzled sleepless in Seattle keep this sheep cattle so fragile the shackle spackled is a challenge not to crackle not tackled scrabble in shambles not ample to handle You straggle as you dabble in babble that’s hell on TV and I can’t change the channel to the big apple Cackle and gaggle like a jackal drug addled by shackles of chapel rabble up the path with no paddle

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
My editor is a secular regular questionnaire settler from Delaware text messenger on cellular with diviner stepsister reveler her pedicure room temperature who’s registrar as competitor for senator of Ecuador sure spending more than the expenditure of every cash register embezzler executor developer everywhere in the western hemisphere as a metaphor non sequitur he’s a molecular wrestler predator

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
I’m spitting hot flames of fire like dragons on the Game of Thrones I’m balling 4 grand in my left hand not calling 4g on my 5th iPhone Beard is like New Testament Jesus no homage to the bible or entourage of 12 disciples My addiction confess that its crucifixion until my interventions Pontius Pilate disliked this

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
You’re talking shit I’m the opposite you’re an argument I’m a compliment
Your bubble lips undecided sequel undivided equal two sticks doublement
My wide tongue multiplied sum times one tried gum orbits mix with eclipse

I’m faster, faster, and faster than you
If you’ve said one bar I’ve said two
I’m twice as quick, you’re half the speed
If you’ve said two bars I’ve said 3
You unsure or wanna battle?You hardcore or sorta fragile? You studio apt or stone castle? You convenient or a hassle? You strike 3 or Mickey Mantle? You BFF or can I not stand ya? You a horseshoe or a saddle? You a limp dick or an ass hole? It’s not a game, Milton Bradley McFucked up meals not happy Hansom ransom for kidnapping Jenga tower fell while stacking Hitchcock shower curtain red splatter is squirting

Now a blood bath 4 certain I’d imagine id be hurting from your knife stabbing me like Joe dirt when had no family slashing every artery gashing every part of me carved like a turkey on thanksgiving starved for my hunger of once living sure it’s cataclysmic but if I was a critic I’d say the worst of it There’s no ternicut For me to terminate this surely unfortunate Untimely death final breath Wound in the chest that’s surely too late And I bet its seeming it’d be impeding Some or the bleeding that just is keeping Leaving veins & seeping Then more repeating Eventually depleting Finally fleeting from my heart torn apart Cut and slit Bout to quit Needing for constant beating Be sure of me Bout to start sleeping No dreaming for eternity Do u still wanna battle or not I hope now after I said a lot you’ve given it a 2nd thought If u do you’re high on pot That’s why u forgot But you had your shot Time to pay for what u bought

Continue Reading
Avatar of Brandon Craig Jones Mr.J
Brandon Craig Jones Mr.J

MR.J®
Brandon C. Jones:
UK Best Seller .MR.J® Awards:
Indie Print Press, Inc Book Awards (2011)
Angie's Diary VIP Award (2011)
Underground UK Publishing Book Awards (2011)

MR.J BIO:
Meet Mr. J, a mouth-breathing-barbaric-lousy-writer so self involved that he failed Astronomy 101 because he literally thought the world revolved around him. Someone once stole his identity but it was quickly returned . . . along with several others to choose from. Mr. J is writing a new book or as he called it "an Amish blog". It will probably have more unread pages than crack dealer's beeper during the 80's.

MR.J'S BOOK REVIEWS

Meet Mr. JPaperback: $11.95April 26, 2011
(1)Paperback: 68 pagesPublisher: Outskirts Press (April 26, 2011)
Language: EnglishAmazon Best Sellers Rank: #167 in Books

"Amphigory Almanac" ranked #38 on AMAZON'S TOP SELLER HUMOR BOOKS LIST July 17,2010 & Mr.J (brandon diddy jones) is nominated as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011 by INDIEPRINT PRESS, INC For more information or to contact the author -topics.dallasnews.com/article/0fJz5Km9DIdOk?q=Barnes+%26+Noble%2C+Inc.

A-list Award Achieving Author, Mr.J is nominated by Indiepress Inc
July 17, 2010 Amphigory Almanac: Hebetudinous Humour, Pedantic Prose, & Linguistic Levity: Meet Mr. J ranked number 38 on AMAZON'S BESTSELLER HUMOR LIST.
-Amazon.com's Author Achievement

Amazon A-list Award Achieving Author, Mr.J is nominated by Indiepress Inc. as BEST BREAKTRHOUGH AUTHOR 2011.
-Muse Monthly Magazine

Mr.J's new book entitled AMPHIGORY ALMANAC is splendid, superb, and smart.
-Travel Trade Tribune

Mr.J commands the english language with terrific the power of Zeus that resonates from the surface of the page to the deepest crevice of the reader's imagination.
-Word-Nerd World Weekly

AMPHIGORY ALMANAC display's Mr.J's elogence and eloquence are subtle yet celebrated in this peice of paperback perfection.
-Elite English E-zine

Imagine if Mark Twain and Mitch Hedberg had a love-child of literature it would be named Amphigory Almanac.
-Quiet Quip Quarterly

AMPHIGORY ALMANAC's relentlessly razor sharp and remarkably rapid fire humor create the sparks that could set the entire sky on fire with wickedly wonderful wordplay.
-Geek Speak Gazzette

Make sure you have a dental plan before cracking open AMPHIGORY ALMANAC'S covers because it will be jaw dropping.
-Papercut Press Publishing

In the 19th century of fiction there was Lewis Carol, in the 20th century of fiction there was hemmingway, and now as readers embark the 21st century of fiction we fasten our eyes in awe to the newly named sultan of sonnets, the prince of prose, the wizard of wordsmiths: Mr. J.
-Novelist Newbie Network

What Edison was to electricity, what Marconi was to sound, and what terrible sitcoms was to Sherwood Shwartz is equivalent to what Mr.J is to comedic commantary.
-Bookworm Brodcasting Bros.

If boredom was a disease Mr.J's homerun hitting humor book AMPHIGORY ALMANAC would be the cure like insulin of intrigue to the diabetes of dullness.

Finally a voice for an unspoken generation speaks with acerbic wit and ear tickling vernacular that rings true. Parenthetically, 236 typos (i.e. errors of grammar, syntax, semantics, linguistics, etc) have been intentionally left, not to exasperate a maladroit writing skill, but to accent how frivolous and moot rules can be in creative writing. It's a "Where's Waldo" of Errors making it interactive for the grammar gurus' scrutiny. Sometimes the stream of consciousness may seem scatterbrained and unfocused, but this was not done adventitiously. Each word was diligently and rigorously labored over. The steadfast and unwavering pace of self deprecating and self disparaging levity reminds the reader that the mission of the book is to be jocular and jovial at its own faults, follies, and foibles. Debuting author, Brandon C. Jones, hits the scene with his complete collection of work. Each chapter is autonomous and non-interdependent on the others. It's the kind of treatise that can be read in several different settings without losing momentum. Tone, word choice and style fluctuate, but motifs of a throwback to archetypal Woody Allen's erudite absurdity act as the midwife to the birth of a refreshing style of American literature.

Mr.J is currently working on 3 new novels, a joke-a-day calendar, submissions for media, and is featured in USA TODAY reporting his nomination for the coveted "BEST BREAKTHROUGH AUTHOR 2011 AWARD" presented by the reviewers and staff of UK's underground publishing house, Indie-Press, INC.

You might also like More from author
Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept

Angie's Diary