Why do we make so many mistakes in our lives? Why do we miss the opportunity to be happy? And why do we delay expressing our feelings?
I remember a story about a woman who could not find the person whom she sought all her life. Despite the fact that she had many friends and admirers, the candidates for husband and boyfriend, she was trying to find in each of them, that man, who she lost due to her fault.
They met every day in order to exchange views on read books and watched broadcasts, to discuss this or that point of view regarding the plans for the future. Once she realized that when thinking of him, she feels warm in the chest, and her heartbeat quickened, and her inner voice was saying “… it is your destiny …” She was afraid to disclose that feeling because she was not yet confident with the truth of this feeling.
One day he called her and suggested to meet. They went to the same park where they were walking during the first date. He talked incessantly about politics, culture and gave her books of Alexander Dumas and Boris Pasternak. She listened to him with pleasure and had no idea that this was their last meeting. At the end of the conversation he said that he was drafted into the army. That news was like a bolt from the blue because she had no time to talk about her feelings for him.
* * *
He left to another country, and they began to correspond with each other. She tried to support him morally in her letters, and he lived by her letters. In one of his letters she read the following words “… you are the only person in this world who understands me without words, who feels my soul, who can hear and listen to me, I’m grateful for my destiny that contributed to meeting you …
She read his letter and was happy, she began to look forward to the moment when they would meet again, to tell him about her feelings. But circumstances changed for several reasons. Her parents, during a family council, decided to marry her off to a high-ranking official’s son, who was a friend of their family. She could not contradict the decision of her parents, as it is not accepted because of traditions and customs. She met with her fiancé but during the first meeting she realized that they are completely different (by character and views) people. A wedding took place…
After some time, children were born but there was no happiness in the family. She continued to look for the man she loved. After three years of marriage they divorced. There were a lot of proposals from men, but she did not dare to start a new relationship. She was working very hard and did a career of a businesswoman.
20 years have now passed. One morning his sister called her and asked to visit him. He was at the hospital and had prepared for complex spinal surgery. She heard the news and sobbed into the telephone. She was thinking about her visit to the hospital during a day and the next morning went to him. He saw her and was very surprised and touched by the encounter. They talked for a long time, and each of them waited for the moment when they could finally express all feelings for each other. But suddenly he felt ill and was taken to an operating room. She stayed all night in the hospital corridor and imagined how she will tell him about her feelings concerning him.
The door opened, and a doctor left the hall. He was very pale and tired. He came to her and put her hand on his shoulder and spoke in a low: “We have done everything possible to save him but could not … he died …. ” At that moment she felt her legs give way while her heart pounded madly. The doctor picked her up, and her heartbeat began to drop. A few seconds later her heart stopped.