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Love Lust and Conspiracy 1

Love Lust and Conspiracy 1

“The only open seat in the hospital waiting room was next to a stunningly beautiful girl who appeared extremely distressed and ready to cry.  For almost an hour we sat in silence then, a doctor wearing scrubs walked in and we both jumped up. 

He told me it would be several hours before we’d know so I sat down and fought back my tears.

We both waited for word about a loved one in serious medical trouble and that’s where our conversation started but this story is not about me, it’s about Kim. 

I am the mere note-taker who, over the next few years, listened and put her emotional words to paper; words about puberty, tears, sex, suicidal thoughts, her work as a musician, a singer, a dancer, and finally, as a woman who never gave up no matter what it took.

You see, Kim was once a boy.”

Anna S. Alst

Warning – Contains Adult Sexual Content

Chapter One: Music and Sex

As they wheeled me into the operating room, I remembered playing simple one-finger songs on the piano at the age of four and feeling those happy melodic sounds resonate throughout my being.  Life seemed normal then but sometime in fourth grade, it changed.  All the boys and many of the girls made fun of my blonde hair, the way I spoke, and my slight physique.

It became worse the next few years and in junior high, I began to hate who I was, but more than that, I hated all boys.  They were cruel unruly creatures whose only goal was the degradation of anyone who didn’t fit their jock-ass profile and I was their favorite target.  As a person, I was defective, an outcast to be ridiculed, but I didn’t know why.

Music became my escape.  Eighty-eight keys, each with its own unique sound and not one cared how I looked, acted or spoke.  Each note sounded without judgment and, when I played, I was flying through harmonic chords and dancing on beautiful notes of guiltless creativity.  Those countless hours of leaving the real world immersing myself in melodies of pain, love and hate eventually gave me the ability to support myself and leave my past behind but…, I was still haunted.

High school graduation was like a release from hell and, with my performing arts scholarship in hand, I rode a bus to the university wondering how I’d ever make the money for room and board not knowing the answer was only one audition away.  After completing the required paperwork, we were given a tour of the campus and a few hours of free time before the bus left for home.  That’s when I wandered into an auditorium where four students were rehearsing and listened for a while as they tried to get an intro right.  When they stopped to adjust one of the amplifiers, I said, “Getting that sound with guitars is impossible.  You guys need a keyboard.”

Tom, the leader, blustered back, “Yeah, right…, we know that.  Who are you kid?”

“I’ve played that song before.”

“Hey guys,” he said with a sarcastic laugh, “we have a musician!”  The others rolled their eyes but one of them, Gina, asked, “What do you play?”


“Well, there’s the Yamaha.  Show us.”

I jumped up on the stage and examined the equipment.  “This won’t do it but I can get close.”  I reset the controls and ran my hands over the keys to get the feel.  “What key do you want?  It sounded like B-Flat.”

“Ooooo…,” the guys said.  “We have a real musician here.  What grade are you in kid…, eighth or ninth?”  Then, they ‘high-fived’ each other and laughed…, until I played a couple of rifts.

“Here, try this.”  Even on an unfamiliar keyboard, their elusive intro was easy for me and, after about eight bars, they joined in.

“Wow,” said Tom.  “You’re a badass on those keys kid.  Too bad you’re so young.  We could sure use you.”

“I start here in the fall.”

They looked at each other with surprised expressions.  “Really…!  How old are you?” asked Gina.  “You look about twelve or thirteen.”

“Seventeen, do you guys work or is this band just for school?”

“What’s your name kid?” asked Tom.


“Well Kim, our keyboardist graduated and we’ve still got a few summer gigs booked.  Do you sing at all?”

“Yeah, but not that song, it’s a tough solo.”  Then, the questions started and, by the time I left for the bus, I had a job.

Two guys, two girls and me, we performed at concerts or special events and quickly developed a huge following, enough so the rates to book us shot up tenfold.  By the time school started, I had an apartment near the campus, enough money to pay for everything my scholarship didn’t and, had acquired a distinct mystique.  Is that cute kid who sings and plays his ass off really a boy or a girl?

My first year of college consisted of theater, sex, dance, sex, music, sex, and yes…, more sex.  A sorority had adopted me as their play toy and every weekend was filled with meaningless trysts with curious girls who wondered about the ‘boy/girl’ thing.  Sex with them, however, was merely a game, recreation, empty, hollow and lonely.  I yearned for more than a blur of one night stands and finally, in the spring, I met Kari.

The lounge was crowded that night and we were five minutes away from a break when she walked in.  Her short blonde hair was head and shoulders above the crowd and that black slinky dress punctuated her presence like a movie star at a command performance gala.  I was captivated.

She stood at the edge of the dance floor until we ended the set and stared at me as I got down from the stage.  I walked toward her, smiling, wondering if this would result in meaningless conversation or another empty sexual encounter.  But, there was something different this time; something that made me oblivious to everyone else in the room.  She was beautiful beyond imagination and my heart raced faster and faster as I approached.

“Hi, my name is Kari,” she said before I could open my mouth.  “I love your music.”

“Thanks,” I said while glancing around to see who she was with.

“I’m here for a seminar in the ballroom…, with friends…, but I had to come in here and see who was making those wonderful sounds!  How late do you play tonight?  I’d like to hear more and I can be back in an hour.”

“We’ll be here till one but, for you, I’ll make sure to wait.”

“Then I’ll see you in a little while,” she said running her index finger down my shirt.  “It’s a date then…, yes?”

“Definitely,” I said with a grin.

With a thoughtful expression, she tapped my chest, winked and left.  The next set seemed to take forever but, halfway through our last one, I saw her sitting all the way back in a corner, alone.  The girls in the band saw me rushing to lock up and quietly sang, “Kimmy’s gonna get laid…, again, again, again!”

“Ha! Now, what makes you think that?”

Gina whispered in my ear, “Careful Kimmy, she’s way over six feet tall in those heels.  You might get hurt!”

“Come on, I don’t even know her!”

“No, but she knows you.”

What do you mean? I’ve never seen her before tonight.”

“She was here last night asking about you but you couldn’t see past those tits you were drooling over so I told her you were available.”

I didn’t want to show it but my heart skipped a beat when I heard that statement.  “Gina…!  I wasn’t drooling.  What did she say…, last night I mean, when you said I was available?”

“She’s here, isn’t she?  And she’s all alone.  Come on dummy, she must be interested and she’s gorgeous so stop drooling and go meet her!”

I locked down the keyboards and flew across the room with a nervous fluttering in my stomach.  Talking to women, no matter what their age or appearance, was something I had become very good at but this time, it was different.  She was tall, blonde, beautiful, athletic, buxom and sophisticated; in short, the girl of my dreams.

“Hi…,” she said in a soft almost singing voice as I approached the table.  “I was hoping you’d keep our date.”

I smiled, sat and ordered drinks.  “I’m glad you came back.  How was your seminar?”

“It went well.  We had good attendance.”

“Yeah…, what’s it about?”

“Battered women, but let’s talk about you.  I’ve had enough teaching for one week.  How old are you Kimmy?”

I thought I had gotten used to that frequent question but this time, I blushed and mumbled, “I just turned eighteen.”

“Just…, when was your birthday?”


“Oooooo…,” she cooed.  “Your eighteenth birthday, we’ll have to ––” But, just then, the rest of the band came to the table.

“We’re going to the cafe for breakfast,” said Gina.  “Are you two coming with us?”

“Oh, right…, breakfast, would you like to join us, Kari?”

She smiled, looked into my eyes and breathed, “I’d love to!”

“Great! Oh, sorry guys, this is Kari; Kari…, Gina, Stan, Tom, and Julie.  Give me a minute to get my stuff and I’ll be right back.”  I ran to the stage to get my jacket and when I got back to the table, Kari and Gina were laughing and whispering.

“What are you two so secretive about?”  They just looked at each other and grinned.  “Gina, are you telling secrets?”

“Me…, secrets about my best friend…?    Never…!”

“Sure, anyway, where’d everyone else go?”

“They went ahead to get us a table so now, you have to escort a girl on each arm.”

“Ha!  And what’s Tom going to say, Gina?  You know how he is about you paying attention to anyone besides him.”

“That’s not a problem anymore Kimmy.  He’s going to LA after graduation and I’ve got two more years here so we’re all done.”

“Oh…, well…, let’s go then!”

When we got to the cafe, Gina pulled Kari into the seat next to her which put me across the table next to Julie.  The food was served and Kari asked me how I liked my coffee.  “Blonde and sweet,” I said reaching for the cream but, before I could pick it up, she grabbed my hand.

“Let me do it for you” she breathed in that soft melodious voice and, without breaking eye contact, she added cream and sugar and then gently pulled my left hand up to her mouth and sucked my fingers.  Gina giggled, Tom and Stan rolled their eyes and Julie said, “Get a room would ya, I’m trying to eat!”  I would’ve replied to Julie’s humorous sarcasm but I couldn’t stop staring into Kari’s striking blue eyes.

After talking, joking and laughing for almost an hour, we all said goodnight and Kari asked if I would give her a ride home.  “Do you mind if I drive?” she asked when the valet brought my car up.

“As you wish my Lady,” I said with a gesture of my hand.

A few blocks from the hotel, she pulled onto a road that was a sports car enthusiast’s dream; smooth, wide and full of snaking curves.

“She handles beautifully!” she cooed.

“Glad you like it.  You drive really well.”  Then I realized how that sounded and thought, Dummy, couldn’t you come up with something better than that?

With a smile at my verbal fumbling, she glided through curve after curve like a professional finally stopping at the front of another very expensive-looking hotel.

“Nice place but I thought you lived nearby.”

“I do,” she said as the valet opened her door.  “I have a house a few miles from here but I won’t be going back to it for about a week.  So for now, this is home.  Is that okay?”

“Sure but, what happened to your house?”

She leaned over and kissed me.  “Do you have to be anywhere tonight?”


“Good!  I’ll tell you all about it later.”

We walked nonchalantly through the lobby but, as soon as we entered her suite, she grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “You’re really beautiful,” and gave me a long passionate kiss.  Kari is six feet tall and, with four-inch heels elevating her even more, my neck was bent backward further than it had ever been.  Then she hugged me while running one hand through my hair and the other up and down my back.  “I’ve wanted to be with you ever since I first saw you,” she breathed.  “And for me, that’s really unusual!”

“Well, I’m happy that––” but before I could say any more, she put a hand on each side of my face and slid her tongue into my mouth.

“Me too,” she said with another hug and another even deeper kiss.

We collapsed on the bed and my lips finally reached her sensitive neck.  As the tip of my tongue touched her ear, she moaned and said, “Don’t get me excited too fast.  I want this to last.”  I started to unbutton my shirt but she stopped me and breathed into my ear, “Let me do that.”

When we stood up, she unbuttoned my shirt and kissed my skin all way down to my belt and then ran the tip of her tongue back up to my neck as she gently pulled my arms from the sleeves.  “Now do me,” she breathed into my ear.

This was no ‘hurry up and bang me’ college girl and I wanted more than anything to please her so, with the tip of my tongue, I slowly traced the center of her chest down to the belt of that slinky low cut dress and then kissed my way back up to her neck.  When I released the belt, the dress opened all the way down below her waist.  She was fragrant, delicious and I had to taste more.  Down, down, lower and lower I moved until my tongue pushed into her navel and my kisses moved down even lower.

“Oh my God,” she said pulling my face back up.  “Your lips and tongue are so soft!”

She wriggled her shoulders a little to let the dress slide to the floor and revealed the most beautiful body I had ever seen.  I was trembling with excitement and wanted to feel, kiss and taste every inch of her smooth lustrous skin but she turned and said, “Take off my panties.”

I knelt down, slid my hands up each leg and slowly pulled the tiny garment to her ankles while kissing her back, cheeks, thighs, and calves all the way to her feet.  She knelt down, kissed me and breathed, “Stand up.  It’s your turn.”

My belt gave her a little trouble so I helped but then, she moved my hands away and soon had my pants and shorts around my ankles and my cock in her mouth.  With a firm but gentle push, I fell back on the bed.  She pulled off my shoes and pants and began pressing those sensual lips all over my thighs, stomach, and pelvis while my erection stood straight up unattended.  I squirmed a little and said, “Oh, you are such a tease!”

She looked up and laughed.  “You have absolutely no idea…, yet,” and then continued kissing, nibbling and sucking until she was on top of me breathing in my ear.  “I want you,” she whispered.  “Is that okay…, do you want me too?”

I gasped out a soft “Yes” between labored breaths.  “Yes, I do!”

She rolled over and pulled me on top.  “Then show me, Kimmy.  Show me what you want!”

Kari was unlike any of the sorority girls I had been with.  They just wanted a quick ‘fuck’ and bragging rights with their friends but this woman exuded a sensuality that was beyond anything I had ever fantasized about.  It was physical.  It was mental.  It was touch, smell, feel, desire and anticipation.  I was completely under her spell.

“I want your neck,” I breathed while kissing and nibbling it.  “And your ears…, and your lips…, your shoulders…, your arms….”  My mouth sucked in her fingers, my tongue ran across her palm then back up the inside of her arm.  “And your sides,” I said while flicking my tongue and sucking that sensitive spot under the armpit, “and your breasts.”  I kissed a circle around them before flicking my tongue over each erect nipple and then softly traced my lips and tongue from the side of her hip, along her waist all the way up to her inner shoulder.  “I want to taste every delicious inch of you.”  Then I moved back to her breasts but, when I began to suck a nipple in earnest, she gasped and pushed me away.

“Stop, stop for a second.  Whew!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked a bit startled.  Did I––”

“Oh my God no,” she interrupted.  Nothing’s wrong.  It’s way too right!  You’re going to make me cum if you keep doing that.  Give me a second.”  She exhaled a very deep breath, looked at me and said, “You, Kimmy, are absolutely incredible!”

Her open hand lying on her forehead looked so inviting that I ran my tongue between her fingers and around the palm.  She let out a short “Ooooo…,” pulled it away and grabbed my ass with both hands.  “I can’t stand anymore.  I’ve got to have you!”

When I entered her, she gasped but as I started to move in and out, she wailed, “Oh no, I’m too big for you!”

I froze.  No one had ever said that before.  Am I that small? I wondered in a flash of despair.  Oh no…, I knew this was too good to be true!

She grabbed my face with both hands.  “It’s not you Kimmy.  It’s me.  I’m sorry.  Please don’t stop!  Just stay inside me and move slowly.., please…, please?”

My erection had softened a little but I started moving again wondering if this creature of my dreams would hate me for being inadequate.  Our pubic bones mashed against each other and she closed her eyes.

“Yes, that’s it, Kimmy, that’s it.  Please don’t stop.  Just…, yes…, slow…, that’s it.”

She still felt loose around me and I still worried about being too small but her breathing was getting heavier and her soft skin against mine was so mesmerizing that all I could feel was our bodies melting into each other.

Soon, she began to tremble and then shake.  “Oh…, Yes…!” she wailed from somewhere deep in her lungs.  “That’s perfect!  Don’t stop, yes, yes, I’m cumming, I’m cumming!”

Her arms went out straight on the bed.  Her stomach vibrated in little spasms.  She clutched the covers and quivered from head to toe.  Stronger and stronger it became, almost like a seizure, and I was starting to worry.

“I can’t stop…!” she cried.  “Make me stop, make me stop cumming!  Please, make it stop!”

I didn’t know what to do so I pressed my full body weight against her, wrapped her in my arms and squeezed.  She began to calm down and, after a few moments, her violent shaking stopped leaving her trembling in my arms.  I held her, cuddled her, stroked her hair and kept whispering, “Shush…, shush, it’s all right.  I’m here, I’m here.”

It took another minute or two before she could speak.  “Oh my God Kimmy,” she gasped while wiping her eyes.  “I haven’t had an orgasm like for.., oh my God…, ever!  I’ve never cum like that before.  What did you do to me?”

“I don’t know.  I just ––”

“I’m still trembling.  I can’t stop it!”

“Then I’ll give you a massage before the glow disappears.”

“Whew, a massage…?  I can’t move.”

“You don’t have to.  Just relax.”

I kissed her breasts, got up on my knees and started moving my hands in slow wiping motions from her shoulders down her torso, over her stomach, and down her legs while keeping a small space between my palms and her skin.  Each time a fingertip touched, she jerked.

“Feel the energy,” I whispered while matching my hands to my words.  “Feel it move down, down to your stomach, down to your hips.”  I floated both hands over her sides, waist, and tummy to the front of her inner thighs and then down her legs.  Little spasms continued every time I allowed a fingertip to brush her skin and her legs trembled as my hands floated around each one and down to her feet.  “Feel the pleasure…,” I whispered in a breathy tone, “the calm…, the warm delicious serenity.  Drink it in and let it flow up your legs, between your thighs, into your ass, all through your pussy and then to your tummy.  It’s moving up, up to your breasts.  Your nipples are tingling and your whole being is floating in a cloud of wonderful peace.  You are safe.  You are warm.  You are happy and you are content.”

Her eyes were closed and her moans escaped through a smiling expression of satiation.  “Your voice is hypnotizing,” she murmured.

I shifted up to my knees and floated my hands around her head, neck, and ears.  “Feel the warm energy from my hands touching every cell in your body.  Feel it fill every thought in your mind.  Feel it flow all over you, in you, through you and relax in its pleasure.”  Then I slowly pulled my hands away and sat back.

“What have you done to me?” she said covering her face with her hands.

I whispered in her ear, “I hope it was okay and I’m really sorry I’m too small for you.”

Her eyes opened wide and, with a short laugh, she said, “Okay…?  Ha! It was awesome.  And Kimmy, you’re not too small.”

“But you said ––”

She put a finger to my lips.  “I said I was too big for you.  It’s not the same thing.”


“Shush, I think six or seven inches is more than adequate and you did something to me I’ve never felt before.  It was wonderful!”

I took a breath wondering if her words were genuine or not but, being next to her felt so right that I just didn’t care.

“But you haven’t cum yet,” she said touching my nose with her finger.  “And I want you to be as happy as I am right now.”

“No, I haven’t” I whispered while brushing that beautiful blonde hair from her forehead, “but feeling you…, holding you and sensing your pleasure; that was even better than having an orgasm.  I don’t know how to describe it but this is the best sex I’ve ever had!”

She pulled me close and hugged me.  “Oh my God Kimmy, you are truly incredible!”

That night I kept waking to see if she was really next to me and wondered how such a breathtaking woman could choose to be with a boy who was often mistaken for a girl.  The truly gorgeous ones always went for the rich, tall, dark, handsome guys and, at five foot ten, a hundred and thirty pounds, blonde hair and only the slightest hint of ‘peach fuzz’, I was the little kid girls were merely curious about.  But she was there.  I could touch her.  It wasn’t a dream and I finally drifted off into a deep, luxurious sleep.

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