Self-Inflicted Questioning

2

Mental breakdown, thinking in unfinished phrases, committee telling me how to be me. The man who wants me dead is ever present in the flow of a hectic day and the stream of my thoughts.

One breath, one bad attitude, one thought; an arm’s length away from my death. I know this. Caution is advisable yet somewhat nonexistent.

existentialismWithdrawn from society, isolated in the prison of my own consciousness. People talking. Jumbled thoughts. Oblivion behind me closing in fast. Old behaviors securing selfish motives. Am I loved? Am I beautiful? Am I pleasant to those around me? What am I? Who am I? What am I to become? Am I crazy? Sure am. Questions of insanity allowed to flow freely. Where am I in the scheme of things? What am I doing worthwhile? Am I up, am I down? I’m confused.

The trial has begun, the judge has entered. I am guilty. Utterly guilty of slander and emotion sexual abuse and neglect. My past is catching up, better run faster. Push Daniel, push, you’ll make it. The agony of guilt is too much to bear. I will run faster, faster.

Where is the end of this darkness? If I stop running I may find it. Ha! Doubtful. Grasping around helplessly for an answer, for a way. Where’s the path, the Road I must trudge? I long for an embrace, comforting, things of the physical to supply my artificial needs. Contact, where is the contact? Where did my love run off to? Any outside source to fill the void is necessary to my sanity, I feel. The space is vast, oddly shaped, can’t fit my outside influences. It’s dark, someone turned off the light in my world. Someone save me!!!

This Too Shall Pass.

2 Comments
  1. Penny Chambers says

    Well written, but hard to find coherence in your phrases.
    I will read some of your other work now here on Angie’s, maybe my opinion will change.

  2. Daphne Shapiro says

    The mind is a labyrinth, and it is always hard to find a way out, but you must give the reader a chance to find one.

    And, cleverly chosen words put into a random sequence, do not necessarily make good reading.

    Having said that, I DO think you are worth following. See how you develop… :))

    Cheers, Daphne

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