Excerpt: Time When Sorry’s Not Enough

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“Always remember me.” Nola said as we parted for the last time. Nola was a convenience for me at one point in my life, which soon turned into my only real love. I met her about six months before I went to grad school. Nola had a kind soul, a beauty, and posed an amazing appetite for sex.

She was everything I needed at that time. All I wanted to do was have a good time. Before grad school, I had a wild streak in me….I pretty much did whatever came to my mind. You know what they say “boys will be boys.” As I approached grad school I begin to come to grips with myself. My ambition was to be the greatest doctor I could be…and it finally kicked in. I was determined to break the crazy cycle that ran through my family. The problem was, most of my family tried to achieve the best, but gave up at some point. Well as far as I was concerned, that was not enough for me; I had to have it all. Ambition was building up in me and pretty soon I had to let go of everything that came with my old world.

Deep in the cracks of my mind I knew that I hurt her, but I didn’t care. I wiped her from my mind and continued to live the life that was best for me. Honestly, I didn’t want to care…I was in a good place in my life and that’s all I cared about. “Worrying was not a characteristic I inherited.” I had a nonchalant attitude when it came to most things in my life and hmm………. Nola was no exception.

You see, our time together was special, mostly based on love, and fun. Nola was a free spirit who never concentrated on life’s priorities. Her concept was “just live for the moment.” She only made it through high school; never once considering college as an option. She would say to me “Glenn, when the time is right, life will take me to where I need to be.”

Of course, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wasn’t trying to plan out her life for her, but I expected her to try…at least. Time passed and she continued to be in the same place. “Did I love her?” Hell yeah, I loved her more then she knew, but I was not willing to let my heart stray me away from my better judgment.

So when she walked away, I never looked back. I must admit that at times I would see things, listen to a song, or see faces that reminded me of her…just as quickly as they came into my mind; these thoughts left. I wasn’t cold hearted or anything; I just didn’t consume myself with much…..at that time.

****

“Why are you here?” Mrs. Blackley asked me as I sat in her living room talking as if I knew her well.

Mrs. Blackley was Nola’s grandmother. She raised Nola since she was one years old. I was told that Nola’s mother disappeared one day and they never saw her again. I believed that Nola was a lot like her mother.

“I don’t mean to bother you, but I need to find out where she is.”

“Sweetie, I haven’t seen Nola in over four years. She don’t come by, she don’t even call me; ever. I just figured she was living her life to the fullest. I’m alright with that as long as I know she ok.” her grandmother explained as she set her cup on the coffee table. “Well I appreciate your time; I was just feeling like something’s not right with her; so I thought I would investigate.”

“Oh my, are you one of those physic people who know mysterious things.” her grandmother blurted out in awe.

“No mam, I don’t know anything about what’s going on with her, I just want to find out if everything is alright.”

“Ok, I understand. Leave your number, and I will call you if I hear anything from her.”

“Great, I will do that.” I said as I wrote my number on an old piece of paper sitting on the coffee table.

As I rode away, several thoughts flashed through my head. I thought about how much I really missed Nola and how long it took me to realize that. I should have been ashamed of myself…I was married with a child. My wife was a successful architect; we had a wonderful son named Glenn Jr. I was at the top of the Pediatric Neurology staff at the hospital with my own practice….so why was I looking for this woman.

Something was missing in my life. My gut instinct told me so every day…. more and more. Six years had passed, and somehow Nola consumed my mind now more than she did when we were together. I had to get to the bottom of what was drawing me to this woman again.

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