We Need a Fat Tax


One night I had a tummy ache, motivating me to step out at midnight, where I would then look to buy one can of ginger ale.

One stupid question. Why is it, whenever I go to any big name franchise store, they only sell gazillion sized bottles of any type of drink?! No one sells one can of ginger ale ever.  I can visualize being stopped by a stereotypical US state trooper. “License and registration,” he would bark at me.

state-trooper“I don’t have any, officer, sir,” I would respond, looking my usual five nine inch, soft spoken, and awkward nature self. (Genetics never got me anywhere!)

“Sir,” would continue the state trooper, “What are you doing at this time of hour?!” His face would suddenly grow diabolical with a mysterious shadow cast over the scene.

“I want to buy one can of ginger ale, sir,” I would respond, shrinking with discomfort under the scrutiny of his hairy eyeball.

“Why?!” would roar the arm of the law with the full force of his character.

“I have an achy tummy, sir,” I would respond, looking guilty by the moment. Only then, I would expect the former marine to physically extract me from my vehicle, drag me to the shoulder of the road to face the punishment.

“Buying one can of ginger ale,” he would rage at my naiveté, “will not put Americans back to work!” If my intention was to buy medicinal marijuana, the Mafioso would benefit, and the patrol officer would look the other way with disgust. And we know it too!

This must lead somewhere. Everywhere I go, bad food is cheap and accessible. Two dollars will get you burger, ketchup, or relish, in a urine sample type container. If I wanted to buy an electrical item, someone behind the counter would point at a package, containing a dozen products. Dam mass production! If I walk by an exercise gym it is filled at all hours, anywhere, and everywhere!

The only way to fight mass consumption is to be a part of a buy local organization, or initiate a Fat tax. By the way, whenever the media feature the Canadian health care system they always interview an overweight, obese person, all to point out the failings of the Canadian health care system.  No one who takes care of themselves is ever selected for such an interview feature; ever. To add to my woe, I even notice in some areas of the city, a wild coyote routinely preys on overfed house pets. Yes, this causes the usual uproar in the newspapers, but no one ever says it like that.  If only such a species would target obese humans. That would be Darwinism!

In short, we need a Fat Tax, or a Miss a Meal Campaign for the overweight. “You can Miss a Meal, sir,” I would tell all such people who do not take care of themselves. Can you imagine a Fat Tax?! Now visualize a Miss a Meal Campaign. All such initiatives would not only fight obesity, but give cash strapped governments a source of income. Face it; rehab is only for the famous. It is tough love people. That being said, that state trooper is in need of a trim.

1 Comment
  1. Avatar of Craig Murray
    Craig Murray says

    I would think that pretty much any variety store in Toronto would have cans of ginger ale, sold in single servings and, if they did not have cans they would have bottles in single serving sizes. I know, I have been to many of them.

    You are quite right in saying bad food is cheap and accessible, that is a problem many have spoken about.

    I am not sure where you would go or what you would try to buy, in the world of electronics, where an attempt to purchase one would result in the salesclerk offering you a package of a dozen. I bought an Ipod the other week and it came as a single serving. The same goes for the fridge I bought.

    Dam (I think you meant damn unless you were referring to ways of stopping water) but, damn mass production.
    How do you think ginger ale is made? Are you somehow excluding your beverage from the world of mass production or do you think that each can is hand made individually in cottage style production of the early 1800’s?

    “Yes sir, what can I get you?”
    “Can of ginger ale please, I have a sore tummy.”
    “Right away sir, let me just send Harold out to start forming the tin into a can while Beatrice juices some ginger root, Shouldn’t be more than a week sir, have a seat.”

    Damn cottage production.

    And then you get rude.

    So do the people who deserve to die at the teeth of rabid coyotes, or the ones who should be punished for over-eating, are they just the poor nutritionists or are you including people who have physiological issues as well? Does the fat kid with the genetic malfunction get death or taxed by your standard? How about the forty year old woman who over-eats because of psychological trauma and it is a method of staving off her hurt for a little while?

    You use your genetics as an excuse at the very start. Can anyone else, or are the fatties all just to blame for their lives?

    Maybe you could make your next ”’article”’ about a minority tax or a handicapped tax? Why not? You seem to think you can attack one group because they displease you.

    I think maybe there should be a short-arse tax. Any man under 6 feet tall should pay 10% of their income for every inch under. I’m safe, I’m 6′-2″

    Your writing is consistently scattered, illogical, there are great leaps between unrelated subjects and you are trying too hard to be ‘clever’ and failing. Worst of all as a Canadian I am embarrassed to read tripe that suggests attacking any one group of people for any reason whatsoever.

    Well maybe we could start a bad writer tax as well

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