The Wisdom of Love


The Wisdom of Love

The Wisdom of Love

In Mark Twain’s book titled, Following the Equator, he says, “We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there.” I wonder if he is talking about love and its many eccentricities.

There is great wisdom in loving others. There is also great wisdom in getting dumped. I often look back at my past years, again and again, trying to find the one moment in time when I settled for loving rather than being loved. I finally concluded that those like me are chosen to devote their lives to doing the impossible. We know we have a choice, but we still dance to the melody of “If you can’t be with the one you love, and then love the one you’re with.” We should be given credit for the courage to give more love than we receive.

No one has the right to say what is and is not a valid love or romantic relationship. Only you can be the judge of that. Based on the value of your relationship, love has many forms and faces; all are special. Everyone knows that more than fifty percent of all marriages fail, maybe because we are gender confused. I have heard comedians say everybody has the right to be married, whether of the same gender or not. I can understand the biblical rejections of same-gender unions.

But I have also read that homosexuality is found in over 450 species, but homophobia is found only in one. “To understand is to forgive, even ourselves,” says Alexander Chase. So, whether a couple comprises two women, two men, a man, and a woman, or some other mention, it shouldn’t matter to others.

Marriage is about love and forgiveness, not gender or sexual orientation. It is our diversity that makes the world a fascinating-go-around. Carrie Underwood, a popular songstress, said, “As a married person myself, I don’t know what it’s like to be told I can’t marry somebody I love and want to marry. I think we should all have the right to love the people we want to love publicly.” 

Chances are, if you have lost communication in the bedroom, you have probably lost touch in other aspects of your life. Even Freud originally defined libido as a lust for life, not sex. A silvery blend of our hopes, dreams, and fears is written in our DNA, just like our sexuality. Sexuality is a big part of who we are.

You cannot learn to romance yourself by notes or memorizing techniques. It is about getting to know ourselves, paying attention to what feels good, and then following our intuitions wherever that may lead. Many of us act like cats, quick to coitus but slow to monogamy. When the moon shines, and all the clubs are alive with music, body language will take you by the hand. Even cancer patients make their sexual experiences both more fulfilling and more pleasurable.

Good sex can open up many doors for you. Sometimes, we need a gentle push to open up and share our feelings with others. In all cases, you have to permit yourself to be sexual. Nothing could be healthier when partners are indeed joyously connected in every way.

Being asexual is not the same as celibacy, nor does it equate to being uninterested in sexual relationships altogether. Any form of abstinence for different periods of two weeks, a month, or a year allows us to explore ourselves outside the eyes of another. All of us have to face the fact that we live in a sex-crazy society with all its ups and downs. Discovery Fitness & Health says, “People who have a good sex life feel better mentally and physically.”

From a practical standpoint, there’s less time for quality sex and intimacy. I’m not going to write about HIV, the disease that has taken so many by surprise after sexual relations. That is a whole book, and I’m trying to keep my subject light and airy. Aging, on the other hand, brings on a host of physical conditions that can affect what’s going on in our bedroom.

These include sexual dysfunction, cardiovascular conditions, arthritis and rheumatism, and other problems. “Adults, on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or slightly more than once a week,” according to the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. Marital status and age are critical influences on sexual satisfaction. So it is faithful that monogamy is constraining. But, of course, Jerry Springer has shown us there is a lot of fighting over who-beds-who?

Many on his show illicit sex very indiscriminately. Once trust is broken, it can be forgiven but never forgotten. Maybe, faithfulness should be contracted and strictly enforced or even prosecuted. Stephany Alexander, a relationship expert, says according to an adultery poll of over 5,000 women, 52% or more said that adultery should be prosecuted in court.

In early 2007, an Arizona court prosecuted two married adulterers for the first time in over 30 years. Gloria Steinem, the well-known feminist, says, “Power can be taken, but not given; the process of the taking is empowerment in itself. What defines us is the courage and confidence to take control quietly or loudly.”

Statistics tell us that most of us experience at least five long relationships in our lifetime. But statistics also tell us that an astounding 40 percent of women in this country experience no or shallow sexual desire. In some cases, low libido has clear medical causes, but in other cases, the decline or absence of sexual desire stems from a combination of emotional and physiological issues. If you have ever been victimized or traumatized sexually, you must receive the help you need.

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists is a trusted source for finding a therapist or counselor in your area who will help you work through any trauma or abuse.

I will admit my earthen body still yearns to be held again, with or without the hot anticipation of his sex. I like to mentally turn back the clock and guide once-familiar lovers to my secret places where I am cloaked in love, not less noble than any other. I desire to be irresistibly desired to assure myself, “I am a woman.”

It is true; underprivileged beginnings and unfulfilled dreams wound me. Whatever your love status, it is true, “God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see, and two hands to hold. But why do you suppose God gives us only one heart? Could it be because he wants to humble us into perpetually searching for our soulmate?

Brain sex causes thrills, chills, and a lot of head confusion. Some women conjure up an image of a dream man touching and pleasuring them, but some of us need more touching to get us aroused, like a vibrator or massage in a particular way. Until recently, exactly what happens in the brain during sex was a mystery, and our heads often didn’t let our bodies have fun. Scientists from Rutgers University, New Jersey, once used scans to monitor women’s brains during orgasm.

They found that different brain parts are activated when various parts of her body are aroused. In addition, they found that up to 30 other parts of the brain are activated, including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. The scientists also found that two minutes before orgasm, the brain’s reward centers become active, like eating or drinking food.

The final part of the brain to be activated is the hypothalamus, the ‘controlling’ part which regulates temperature, hunger, thirst, and tiredness. “The love and emotional nourishment we try to find through food is the love every human being deserves to receive.

Without self-love, you will search endlessly for love from somewhere outside, and when you are disappointed or rejected, food will become the obvious substitute.” Deb Shapiro, Your Body Speaks Your Mind. Immediately before they reach the peak, other areas of the brain become affected, such as the sensory cortex, which receives ‘touch’ messages from the body.

The part of sex that women enjoy the most is that when we make love, “we are one.” So we all chase that ‘feeling good’ flowering emotion-in-motion by putting our hard-earned money into the four rituals of getting there; attraction, sexual stimulation, and orgasm.

Men are strongly attracted to women with large breasts, thinner waists, and broad hips. A stand-out booty is all the rage now. Men would rather see us going than coming, that is for sure; however, women would instead men come than go. Many of us go overboard trying to be what others want us to be. So much can go wrong when envy becomes an obsession, and we feel pressured into being something we are not.

We all have issues in our daily lives that need fixing, and sex is only a big deal if you want it to be in a marriage or outside! Again, there must be a meeting of the minds, yeah or nay. The rest is just groovy. His pleasure should be her pleasure, and her pleasure should be his pleasure. Whatever sexual personality we were dealt with, and there are many, we must learn to negotiate for mutual respect, joy, and satisfaction. Here are some questions to help you and your partner become more sensually aware:

Are you a visual person? Do you find yourself aroused by an image in print or video?

Are you an auditory person? For example, does a particular kind of music with words or without relax you and make your mind turn to things sexual?

The question “Are you a tactile person?” only means if you want to get aroused, you need to be caressed, kissed, or touched in a specific way. If you are an oral person, it takes a tender, moist kiss to get you most excited. A nice glass of red wine or a sweet taste of dark chocolate might work as a forethought to love. Do you understand the wisdom of love?

  1. Avatar of Eileen Browne
    Eileen Browne says

    Another great article, Joyce.
    You have a flair to bring ‘uncommon’ subjects to life, for everyone to understand and learn.

  2. Avatar of Joyce White
    Joyce White says

    Thank you Eileen.

  3. Avatar of Joyce White
    Joyce White says

    With age comes wisdom about human intimacy. I didn’t learn these insights in school. I learned in the arms of others. If you like my articles, my new book is at Amazon called Love, Rhyme & Reason. What the world needs now is more love, understanding and heartful recognition of soulful intimacy.

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