The Dancing Hands of the Wallflower


This article is dedicated to anyone who ever felt lonely in a crowded room.

The Hermit Poet

It is a dilemma how we are always digging in-between sand traps,
cutting us off at the waist,
from the triumph of imagination over intelligence,

Playing hide-and-seek,
always on the go, here,
there and yonder,
forgetting to appreciate the poetry and creative expression.

Kindred spirits turn disorder into order,
they turn repressed thought into attendant emotion,
and ambiguous words into dreams,
that transform us from displaced willy-silly crabs
to spontaneous artists who build elaborate series of defenses,
lest sublimated emotions and motivations
come disturbingly into consciousness.

I admit I am a card-carrying introvert. I’ve spent a lot of time studying how to communicate effectively but I’m still a Wallflower with dancing hands. When I’m writing, my hands and shoulders are comfortable and contented as is my mood. On the other hand when I’m stressed or unhappy, my fists are closed with little space between my fingers to let the blood flow. It is then my breath is labored. Of course, most of us tuck our thumbs under our fingers which are already intertwined in front of us when we feel defensive or angry at others. Because we rant not, it does not mean introverts are not worth listening to at all. Unfortunately, some of us more timid think we are hard-wired to speak in inconsistent mumbling tones. Thankfully, no other species has such a remarkable range of capabilities when it comes to speaking with our hands. It is eerie fact that while our hands help introverts best; they also serve our opposites, the extroverts.

Many of us often spend a great deal of time trying to understand why we are who we are and why our bodies don’t always do what our mind wants. Whatever personality we were dealt with, we must learn to negotiate with others for the rewards of respect.

Writing is the easiest way of speaking without being tediously interrupted. We can stammer, stutter and delete and no one laughs at us. Writing gives us answers to questions we have yet to think about. It helps us understand ourselves and the world around us.

Although many think that having an introverted personality leads to poorer emotional health and well-being; in truth, many of us are just as balanced as those with extroverted personalities. Some of us have learned to follow our bliss with creative expression. Spending time doing something you love is better than medicine for some of us. The one stand-out difference is that the introverted unconsciously deems himself guilty before proven innocent. The extrovert deems himself innocent before proven guilty.

Author, Ancowitz at Everyday Health, gives us seven ways for an introvert to embrace their inner wallflower:

  • Indulge — rather than deride — your love of quiet time. A little “me time” will enable you to re-energize and do your best thinking.
  • Scrap the small talk. There’s no need to be the last man standing at a social event; aim to have a few thoughtful conversations rather than working the room — which can be draining.
  • Chalk yourself up (without talking yourself up). Promote your strengths quietly through writing, using social networking tools, building strong relationships, and asking for introductions and referrals.
  • Make pals with public speaking. “It’s a highly efficient use of your energy,” …says Ancowitz. “Get up in front of the room once and reach many more people than you normally would in a day.”
  • Be the “go-to” person in your area of expertise. Write about it, speak about it, and spread the word to people who would benefit from it.
  • Practice your lines. Ancowitz suggests that something as simple as “Hello, my name is Nancy,” along with good eye contact and an extended hand, is usually all you need.
  • Be a matchmaker. This positions you as a valuable connector and takes the spotlight off of you.

A few other ways I have found useful in chasing happiness:

  • Get to know what it is that “you want” and what it is “you need”
  • Learn to contend with gravity, society and your limitations
  • Know where is a will, there is a way
  • Connect with your true self, don’t mimic others.
  • Don’t let agitation blow through you like a cruel wind
  • Balance fun with rest and exercise
  • Realize that the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
  • Express yourself creatively, for purpose and better self-esteem
  • Let your optimism fall like seeds to the moist warm ground to take root in the footsteps of others.

I’ve found great joy by writing articles and poetry on my website, sculpting clay, making jewelry and doing other crafts. Of course, without hands I’d be totally alone, empty and sad. We all are talented and have the ability to communicate differently; no one is untalented. We need to follow our bliss and see where it leads. I am a senior now; writer, artist and woman who may feel insufficient at times. I’ve found it is best to look at life honestly with courage. Like deer in the forest, I’m happiest and most confident when I’m least seen and most read.

By Joyce White –

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