Psychology of Marriage, Love & Sex
I believe we all need to love each other like we once did as children, burning for friendship and singed by need for companionship. This one change would solve most of the world’s problems.
I hope my book will open up the definition of marriage so we can explore relationships as they are today. Good relationships are difficult, if not impossible, if we don’t understand ourselves and our own needs. Worrying about whether our partner has been satisfied or not takes up lots of psychic energy that could be used for other activities.
I found any form of celibacy for different periods of time like, two weeks, a month or a year, allows us to explore ourselves outside the eyes of another. I will admit after my heart was broken so many times, I was afraid to try again.
I always thought myself as being liberated sexually, yet I always awoke lonely and in need of company. Over time, I thought less and less about being with a man. I was completely asexual and learned to like it.
Why I have been endowed with the passion of writing on these subjects, I resign to God’s inscrutable purpose. I’m not a doctor, I write for fun and wellness, yours and mine but I also write to inspire others to do as I say not as I do. I had to learn to be present, mindful and authentic to my dreams, intuitions and other coincidences.
Maybe, your inner child is trying to lead you to someone or something like mine was. Sylvia Brown, the psychic says, in her book, Phenomenon, “It is just a fact that every single one has a purpose in life. Every day with every experience come building blocks toward fulfilling that purpose. Our spirit minds know what that purpose is, whether our conscious minds can define it or not. Who of us would not want to fall into paradise with the exact tools we needed to fall in love and have amazing sex?
You may not agree with me but I feel like I have been given all the tools I needed to write this book for you. The hardest thing in beginning this book was to cut away all that is incidental, and keep only that which remains as the nobility of love, marriage and the ecstasy of sex. I feel like it is pretty impossible to build good relationships until we’ve burned away our youth and its fairytales, as well as learned misapprehensions about love, marriage and sex. I must admit creating a book about loving and being loved is like having a foot in two worlds. The idea of double-dipping into sensual matters intrigues and excites me; after all, love is the fuel that drives the human engine.
Most of us have the same goals in mind; intimacy, compatibility, communication, love, sex, and orgasm. Unfortunately, because we are often timid when it comes to having the “talk” about sexual satisfaction, couples stay imprisoned beneath heavy clouds of predated misconceptions. I don’t exactly remember the moment when I realized each of us dies a little when we lose love; and then we come alive again with each new one. When moving from one love to another, I wrote a lot of poetry: Growing Love, When I was a child it was my mom I loved the best, when I was a teenager, I began questioning, was I worthy to befriend?
As a young single mother, I wondered if I was worthy of another love? Now in the winter of my years, snug under my covers warm and tight, my inner poet whispers in my ears at night, to not be afraid to bare my bosom to the moon and up gather my pollen like a sleeping flower, when my days are no longer that of harmony, beauty and/or dramatic expression, Triton will blow his horn and I will join my mom in deep repose, both of us eternally loved.
Oriental beliefs also feel that flesh and mind are inextricably bound so that a spiritual experience is a very possible an outcome of good sex. Western terms call this state a sense of wholeness and well-being. From the mystic organs called the “heart & mind” flow the milk of all relationships. Mark Twain in, Following the Equator, gives us his advice, “We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there.”
Understanding ourselves is paramount in understanding love’s lessons. Make no mistake about it; even a loving heart and mind require tremendous human patience, intelligence and skill. We are lucky today that those who can’t afford the cost of private therapy or who may feel shy about discussing sexual matters, can improve their relationships and gain a sparkling sex life by reading or web surfing.
If you are reading this, you are probably wondering if your love and sex life can be made even better than they already were. Good sex makes your brain gel and your body flame. No one needs to be alone in tackling the misunderstanding between the sexes. I hope this book helps you develop a vital, powerful love life. The “biggest sex organ” is always the mind. Negotiating your wants and desires is the key to couple performance and anxiety.
Of course, cuddling lovingly and breathing in each other’s essence after coitus, will help both feel fulfilled and loved. Love affairs can be curious and wonderful, liquid strength with rhythmic energy to share between two. But then I think of myself heartbroken as the fearful freak and of the razor-edged distance which manifests when my longings were not his. Who snuffed out those flames and why doesn’t he love me like he use to? Backing off from intensity leaves us in so much pain, we often need months of silent healing.
I personally can attest to the fact that letting someone get into bed with us takes a little recklessness and a lot of courage to try once our heart has been broken. It is also important that both partners devote enough time to make love and sex worthwhile. If he does not have time to take his boots off or her blouse, it hurts our self-esteem to know our lover could not be bothered to undress. If you and your partner cannot spend enough time together, it is also very likely that the development of your love affair will stagnate and grind to a halt quickly.
Some young couples expect their bodies to work like machines. In the case of over-doing ourselves in the sack, our brains were created in such a way as to protect our hearts. Taking drugs to by-pass the brain’s natural protection system can lead to sexual impotency later as well as death for both partners.
No one married or single experienced or not, goes to bed without some sort of sexual misgivings. If it is your habit to turn the lights off you might be one of these people. If you are wondering how to bring back intimacy or excitement, remember our hearts and minds cannot be treated separately; they are kind of woven into each sexual traveler whose destination is seldom known. If you are embarrassed by sex in the beginning, perhaps you need to talk about your fears and inhibitions before the clothes come off or the lights come on. Self-pleasuring leads to self-knowledge as is sharing information on each other like what erogenous zones turn you both on?
The more we talk about our sexual fears and trepidations, the more our confidence will arise. No one wants to be pressured into having sex especially women. Dr. Tony Grant, author of, Being a Woman says, “Women are passionately concerned about love, involved in it, and in search of it. Love is a female preoccupation, more the business of women than of men.” The Chinese Tao of Sexology says, “…a woman’s orgasm is likened to a flower, unfurling from the center, blooming in the sun as petal after petal unfolds. Inside herself she opens up entirely and surrenders to the man who can take her at any place and bring her to the most intense ecstasy…” A decline in spontaneous desire can be avoided by imaginative stimulation of mind and body resulting in the Science of Ecstasy.