Psychology of Love: Marriage and Sex
Psychology of Love: Marriage and Sex
If you don’t know trust in love’s genius, you won’t ever realize love’s gifts. Falling in love means turning off your thoughts, needs or emotions to focus on someone else’s.
Imagine the following scene, “Just married, this couple was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, “Here put these on.”
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your pants,” she said. “That’s right!!” said the husband, “and don’t you forget it! I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!”
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” She said, “That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude.”
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard when our egos clash. Love and marriage can be like a two-edged sword and it has cut many of us deeply and severely considering more than 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce.
Once cut many of us try to resist the genius that is love. We were not created to be alone. One of my favorite songs goes something like, “only love can break a heart and only love can heal it again.” Without knowing love personally, you’ll experience a life-long feeling of deprivation, disappointment, scarcity, and resentment.
I am thankful to all those who have entered my life and shared their love with me. I am confident most of us believe falling in love is a good thing for nothing is lonelier than not knowing love. Love sometimes is easy and sometimes it is not. We all deserve to be loved. Finding companionship is love’s greatest reward.
Unfortunately, the marriage license has become more of a business contract rather than binding of our souls. Many want to be in love but not so many want to be married. The marriage license that binds women and men as husband and wife is becoming more of a hindrance than a good thing. Marriage is changing more every day.
Let’s see, there is – – him and her, him and him, and her and her. Whether married or not, companionship ranks high on our list of priorities when it comes to coupling no matter what our gender. Like everything good in life, loving in bed or out, takes time, effort, and commitment.
There are many reasons to get married and just as many to stay single. To get our groove on with others, we must effectively arm ourselves with an open mind, a willing heart, two enfolding arms, two receptive ears, and one sensitive mouth. We need to respect each other in bed and out.
For those men and women who are afraid to take the risk of coupling, they will never know the genius that is love and sex. There is a lot of propaganda about why you do it and how you do it. I find that most women like a lot of time spent around the G-spot and breasts. We like to talk about sex as much as hugging, kissing, and foreplay. A gentle soothing massage on the back and front can gently prop-ell us into a loving mood but so can doing the dishes for us one night a week.
We’ve all got preferences in and out of bed, but pleasing the other should be our main goal. We all got issues in our daily lives that need fixing, whether they’re yours or his; and sex is a big deal only if you want it to be! There must be a meeting of the minds, yeah or nay. The rest is just groovy.
The definition of communication to a woman is the deep sharing of emotions and feelings not the sharing of obscene jokes like some men think. Women don’t like funny nicknames, so don’t go there with Raymond from the television comedy. Believe it or not, girls like to be nice and naughty. We like to hear our names. We like to talk and we like to listen.
Few of us like to be pulled from one position to another like a rag-doll. We don’t like biting, spanking, pulsating, and/or jabbing of the genitals, yours or ours. Most of us like slow, rolling, getting to the right place and spending some time there with a little tenderness and a little good humor. Looking outside of marriage for orgasms will never fix the problems in your own bedroom.
I wonder why men don’t value their position as head of household, lover, and provider of the family. There are many magazines and television shows devoted to teaching them. If you have an inquiring mind or have a couple of issues, come to my website, and read my favorite Doctor of Romance. She is a Ph.D. and is very popular in couple’s counseling.
It doesn’t take a doctor to know most of us women don’t want to watch a man roll off and away from us after orgasm. His pleasure should be our pleasure together we are one. This is the hidden love part of sex that we women enjoy the most. The fact that we are one. We nest that way.
I don’t think any of us should rush into sex, especially the young. The implications of sexual intercourse far outweigh the understanding of the juvenile mind. Yes, it is risky to have sex for health reasons as well. Most of us have had broken hearts. When we’re hurt by someone we love and trust, we may become angry, sad or confused. I’ve come to realize even the broken-hearted are lucky to have loved and lost.
We carry little pieces of their memories with us like a treasure. Their memory showers us post joy and renewed affection. Yes, there are heartbreakers out there and we’ve got to protect ourselves with respect and temperance for our hearts and our bodies. When we have to move on, we distinctly know it, whether we want to admit it or not.
Making love is the greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve and it shouldn’t be wasted on the young. This is what the psychology of love is all about. It is also a shame to waste our pent-up desires by sitting on the couch watching others on television.
I enjoy the irony of the phrase – – if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. It is so much better to make love when you trust each other to be around for cuddling later. Steve Martin, the comedian tells us, “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
A funny thing; millions have been invested in sexual arousal for women but nothing works as good as talking. I like to think that our bodies usually follow our heads when it comes to great sex. When thinking about getting our groove on, we need to remember that anything that wakes up our senses, will tickle our hormones, like scented powders, candles, music, and even handy-dandy props or ice cubes.
There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. We are not perfect human beings. We often let each other down. What is really sad is when we let ourselves down. If we allow fear or negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, we may very well close the door to our one true love.
I’m positive there is one true love for each of us; although, we may have to keep picking and choosing, till we get to the right one. Falling in love means focusing on someone else for a change. This is the genius that is love and this is the genius that is great sex.
By Joyce White
A lot of insight, and a lot of common sense. Well done!
Some great points Joyce. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experiences and suggestions. You touched on a lot of issues with great clarity and information.
I disagree with your opening line a little bit, though it may just be semantics. You say, “Falling in love means turning off your thoughts, needs or emotions to focus on someone else’s.” In my experience, loving another doesn’t require one to “turn off your thoughts, needs & emotions”, but actually the opposite, to pay close attention to thoughts, needs and emotions, so you can share them with your partner and/or let them go and thus be present to your lover’s needs and desires, as well as being honest with what’s going on for you.
You might be interested in reading my article Queer Gals for Straight Guys
and In Bed With Feminists
Hi Gabiel, thank you so much for your comment. I do agree with you. Isn’t it great to turn
off once in a while and be generous rather than needy? Joyce