I finally grew into the person I was always meant to be in my forties. I found self-love by writing poetry and articles for wellness, mine and yours.
We are not complete until we begin making friends with our true innate gifts. Thank God for the internet, self-publishing and my inner child who needed to know she was worthy. She had talents. She was not unlovable.
I quite accidentally fell for another in my forties. We just fit together. Freedom of choice of mates are the greatest gifts to humankind, however, many relationships begin without intention! In my younger years, I had a bucket full of bad karma left over from my past but now I’ve finally outgrown my old bad-tempered karma. There is great wisdom in getting dumped and/or in settling.
Statistics tell us we experience at least five long relationships in our lifetime.
I’m right on target for my age. In the 20th Century, men and women are facing consequences of sexual harassment and gender bias. Up until now, an astounding 40 percent of women in this country, experience no or very low sexual desire. This might be because of our experience with sexual harassment. In other cases, low libido or loss of libido might have clear medical causes. The decline or absence of physical desire stems from a combination of emotional, mental and physiological stressors and eventually, as we age our desire begins yearning for security and affection.
We are creatures who want to be irresistibly desired. Whatever your libido status, it is true, God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why do you suppose God gives us only one heart? Could it be because he wants to humble us into perpetually searching for a perfect person for us?
Often, sex is only as gamesome as you want it to be in a marriage or outside of it! Again, there must be a meeting of the minds, yeah or nay. The rest is just groovy. It is best when all parties have their needs met. Whatever sexual personality we were dealt, and there are many, we must learn to negotiate for mutual respect, joy, satisfaction, and respect.
Here are some questions to help you and your partner become more sensually aware:
Are you a visual person? Do you find yourself aroused by an image in print or video? And/or you an auditory person? Does a kind of music relax you and make your mind turn to physical replenishing? Are you a tactile person? Do you get aroused by being caressed, kissed, or touched in a specific way? Does a tender, moist kiss make you excited? How about a nice glass of red wine or a sweet taste of strawberries dipped in dark chocolate? Do these festive come-get-me spirits lure you into zippy intimacy?
I wonder if we must be hardwired to be a good kisser? Two heads are always better than one when it comes to kissing…that is for sure. We all agree touch is the mother of the senses and kissing is a specialized form of touching, head to head, and lips to lips. Let’s see there is the French habit of kissing the hands of your beloved; after all, we’ve got to start somewhere.
It takes two heads and four consenting lips to sit back and enjoy the magic of suckling.
These fun events fuel our desire, adding much to our soul’s estate and self-esteem. A kiss is always profitable when returned. Who of us does not dream of kisses that set our hearts afire? Kisses can be romantic, boring and/or terrifying all at the same time depending on our maturity level. For many of us, kisses are our first close encounter with others. Only a tender kiss can bestow the gift of eternal youth for the elderly.
When we’re young, we might start out sucking on fresh a peach, progressing to warm blood filled limbs of our best friend’s forearms, laughing all the time. Youngsters give their kisses blindly for they haven’t learned to barter their affections. Preteens and teenagers, on the other hand, barter most everything, including kisses. Our teenagers begin their journey by blowing kisses, winking and/or hugging in an animating way. It is unconditional affection from our parents that gives us all the confidence it takes to bond as we mature. Without it, evil inhabits our youth and they grow to be unproductive and without empathy for those around them.
On a more fun note, in the case of grandma kissing grandpa, most quickly delivered pecks-on-the-cheek can still deliver a message of loyal affection, gratitude, compassion, sympathy, intense joy and at times maybe sorrow. A kiss without an accompanying hug is like a cart without wheels. Because some kisses demand too much in return, we must be careful to weigh the consequences of kissing when we’re not comfortable or in love.
There are many kinds of kisses. Have you ever kissed off someone? There is the most important form of communication like the ritual of kissing of the cross as a form of showing respect for leaders, religious authoritarians, and the habit of saying goodbye to the passing. In Genesis, the New Living Translation tells us when Jacob died, “Joseph fell upon his father’s face and wept upon and kissed him.” Perhaps, kissing is like drinking salted water.; first, you drink, then your thirst increases. First, you kiss, then you crave.
Pay attention to each other’s body language and how long you need to get comfortable for lovemaking. Did you know you can cross your legs and your partner will most often cross his? Fold your arms, and your partner will fold his. Sneeze or cough, and others around you will too. So, curl up and purr inviting eye contact. A gentle, soothing massage on the back and front of both partners can gently thrust the couple into the state of passion.
To be ready for love, we must learn to take good care of our bodies. Did you know moderate regular exercise will help improve blood flow to the sexual organs? In addition, exercise helps you feel good about yourself. And, anything that enhances our self-esteem gives our libido a green light for pleasure. This article is an excerpt from my new book, Sculpting the Heart with Love, Rhyme & Renewal.