Take Me There She Said
“Take me there,” she said,
the little sister
into the eyes of the older
And so she began again
once upon a time in
a lovely apple grove
Dappled golden light
drifted down and spilled
upon the mist soaked earth
Two sisters stood side by side
to the other and they told secrets
to each other
The forest rang with the sound
of girlish jabber broken up with
tinkling waves of laughter
And so like this, they passed an
enchanted hour drinking in the love
of each other
All too soon the shadows stretched out
and threw their purple hues up to the tall trees
who found no relief softly losing their lines altogether
Then suddenly evening dropped down closing out the light
and chased the wayward birds back to the grove
followed by the squirrels ceasing to chatter
Their lovely hands reached longingly out to one another
knowing they would once again be parted by the
sigh of a swift deep velvet curtain drop nightfall
They stood quietly for a moment moonlight streaming down
through their hair as the mist swirled up from beneath their feet
the scent of warm apples began to cool and drift away
There really was not much to say
as reluctantly they left their secret meeting place
beneath the arms of the tall dreaming trees
The harsh white of manmade light fell across her face once more
concrete walls and harsh angled beams held her within
take me there she said again.
Beautiful poem Cynthia. Felt the bond and lightness, which then retreated and separated back into darkness.
“And so like this they passed an enchanted hour” took me out of the story for a moment. It told me “about” what was happening, as opposed to being in their experience, like the rest of the story. Similar with “Their lovely hands”. Instead of interpreting for the reader what their hands were, it might have been better to describe their hands (veins, fingers, skin, color, etc.).
I enjoyed this beautiful and strong verse –
“All too soon the shadows stretched out
and threw their purple hues up to the tall trees
who found no relief softly losing their lines altogether”
I have a sense that this poem could have been about two human or bird sisters.
Thank you for the critque. I too was uncomfortable with the line about the hands but didn’t know quite where to go with it.
The poem is based on a picture drawn by a young woman who passed away suddenly and totally unexpectedly. I was given a bunch of her pictures and asked to write something that might go with them. This particular picture was entitled Take Me There. And it depicted two broad stroked fairies, without defined features at all, hovering in a grove. I completed many poems to go with her drawings. Many if not all of her pictures had fairies and angels as the focal subject matter which is not at all my realm. But, the poetry flowed and now it is combined into a book pictures and poetry that her family owns. So–bird, human, fairy—yes! You are correct.
Thank you again for the critique I appreciate it.
Beautiful…