Reflection

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lucian-freud.reflection

Triumphant am I when I see you stumble
Impishly witnessing your shortfall from grace
My ego is puffed up with your simple proof of humanity
Your hands flailing as your feet benignly betray you
Gathering my own importance close, I feed on your shame

I take frantic pleasure in your failure
My lungs inflated with harnessed laughter at your plight
I mover closer-taking all of this in…my skin humming
My mind keenly focused on your suffering
I have no expendable sympathy for you

I register your cries-they dust my ears with echoes
I won’t offer you the help you so desperately need
Giddiness-crawling up, hot and determined in my throat
Tasting bitter…suspiciously like the bile of my own flaws
Straining to recapture my ignorant bliss, my eyes root for you

Recognizing my self-reflection, I swat it away with a fervor
Swallowing, I clamp it there locked in place and I begin to choke
Questions of my own imperfections threaten to suffocate me
Who am I to relish in your demise, when I carry this stained heart
My hands tainted, anointed by the trembling of my secrets

With a wretched mind, denial forlornly guides my tongue
Flushing out the haphazard judgments I cast on you
As I stand here stricken by my will to disparage your choices
Am I not solely responsible for the poisonous kiss of my words

My shame mounts, my dignity absent in the wake of this purge
Standing exposed my arms in disconnect, legs lead and water
And then euphorically the words become less insistent, quieter
Slowly my throat releases, my gasping breaths regulate themselves
Realization settles in heavy but clear

Could it be when I am judging you, I’m truly critical of me
And if so, I am forced to wonder almost reverently…
Were you ever really here at all?

Perhaps not.

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