Redonkulous Rap

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bill-and-monica
My records will twirl like Michelangelo’s Nun Chucks
&-Emilio-Estevez with a Mighty-Duck-Hockey-Puck
My album sales will be fat as Jared-before-Subway
Bigger than Jamie-Foxx on ‘Any Given-Sunday

I’m gonna blow up like a defective-Firestone-Tire
See more red-carpet than a full-time-LA-limo-driver
I’ll rap trippier than an Arizona-Cactus-full-of-Peyote
Faster than Road-Runner chased by Wyle Coyote

My style will be newer than Lex Luther’s Tube of Rogaine
Be controversial as Mona-Lewinski’s-sticky icky-stain
I’ll record songs so sick that they’ll need antibiotic
Like Batman’s nemesis, Penguin; They’re diabolic

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My record sales will shock MGM like a defibrillator
Ill get cash-cool-as-an-Eskimos-Subzero-Refrigerator

My agent will take cut like a Kill-Bill-Samurai-Blade
He’ll cover his tracks with Febreeze-Lysol-or-Glade
Then I’ll get right to the point like the ears-of-Spock
My autograph will be as famous as John-Hancock

My flow will be hotter than Texas-Pete-from Alpaso
Be hot as Wonder-Woman tied in a Golden-Lasso
Fanbase will be wider than a Republican-tax-bracket
On more jukeboxes than Fonzarelli’s-leather-jacket

Gonna get awards like a movie-w/Dakota-Fanning
Make my pockets deep as a grave-in-Grand-Canyon
My songs will be collectible like KISS-merchandise
I’ll grab attention like a black shirt covered-in-lice

My technique will be unique like a mime-that-speaks
Lyrics deep as poor-mans-bucket when the roof leaks
Barcodes won’t stick cuz my music will be priceless
Sales scarier than Jim-Jones-Kewlade saying, Try-this

My rhythm will be tighter than TSA-Airport-Security
Words witty as the Geico-Gecko that’s insuring-me
My stereo will only play records that are Platinum
My songs will be on FBItop10 with agents after them

I’ll spit hot fire like on Hendrix’s-Fender-Strats
Crazier than a postal-worker-return-to-sender-stats

(Excerpt from AMPHIGORY ALMANAC by Mr.J)

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