Meet Mrs. Depression

I am almost sick of trying.
Stuck in this place,
a tiny space.
My mental is broken.
I wish I was joking.
There’s no sense in denying.

Agony long takes me over.
I am trying to stay sober,
but while staring at these walls
all day and night,
nothing ever changes …

It gives me such fright.
I reach for a bottle,
drink till it’s gone.
Blur out my sorrows.
I remember saying …
It’s not always
gon’ be like this,
in a song.

So long ago now
and it’s the same
still.
No it’s worse now.
Feels like I’m running up a steep hill.
That gets higher and higher …

I run it up,
trying to reach the top.
But I fall back so hard
you can loudly hear the plop.
I’m waiting and waiting for something to change.
I feel like I’ll be waiting,
till I’m middle aged.

What’s happiness?
I don’t know that anymore.
I don’t go out.
Go shopping
or to any stores.

I don’t get the pleasures of life
that surely one should endure.
Asking for handouts
I can’t survive on my own.

Crying to myself
but smiling through it on the phone.
I can’t let them know the truth.
That I’m drowning.
With no hope to be loose.
Loose of the sorrow.
Loose of my pain.
Loose of this shit that haunts me daily.

A constant complaint.
My energy is fading.
My light is almost out.
I don’t think anyone sees me
although I am crying out.
Softly.

Just look at my life.
Since I was younger
nothing but grief and strife.
How does one make it?
I need to know!

Every day I see people
their lives are a show …
I feel left behind,
where did my life go?