A stillness in the morning;
Before the rampage of tweets;
Before the awakening of life;
Before the starting of cars.
Awake, I lay in my bed;
From the sleepless night before;
From the darkness that never consumed me;
From the mind too busy for slumber.
I see the light appear;
Something of a new day?
Something of a sign?
Something of a mockery?
The heart within me, beaten;
Too many dead days;
Too many idle glances;
Too many times of turbulence.
Ruffles of a new day start;
The birds in song;
The people, awakened;
The pollution beginning.
Still I lay in silence;
Far from love and lust;
Far from redemption and retribution;
Far from life itself.
Alone for solitary moments;
So known is rejection;
So volatile is continuing;
So painful is each day.
Rapping at my door, a new day;
“Today will be better;
Today I will smile;
Today I will forget.”
The lies I tell myself;
For comfort;
For good;
For continuation.
The grey uniform encloses me;
It does not suffocate me;
It will not kill me;
It does not define me.
But I feel tight-chested;
Because my thoughts are smothering;
Because my heart is nervous;
Because my yearning is hungry.
On this Friday, like any other;
I will lie again;
I will fake smiles again;
I will die a little more… again.