Before I Go

I need to record a lifetime of memories
that will soon cease to be a part of me.

I want to recall the beauty of being loved
and will miss the all-too-familiar
and sweet sound of my husband’s voice
and the melodious sounds
of my grandchildren’s laughter.

This heartless thief has come to rob me
of my beautiful experiences and
all the tidbits of wisdom I’ve learned on my journey.
The truth is I am scared of the unexpected.

I am afraid to be void of emotions;
they have been part and heart of who I am.
I’m slowly losing touch with reality
and miss sensing the wonder of each new day.

I cannot hold a thought, smell the foods I once loved to cook
and only eat now because I am forced to.
All my small comforts are gone.
I cannot remember who and what gave my life importance.

The pain I am going through is not physical; it is worse.
It is a living, walking nightmare that plagues me day and night.
It is fear of the unknown. I don’t know where I am or where I am going.
I am being led in different directions and not by choice.

My thoughts are jumbled; there is no continuity,
no future and no past alive in my mind.
I’m truthfully not living anymore; I just exist.

I can offer nothing to those I love.
How sad is my heart! My life, as I knew it, is over.
But before I go, let me hang on to just one beautiful memory….
your love for me.