My Cyprus Conspiracy Theory

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Imagine a mobster flying to North America, arriving at a major airport, he picks up his dozen bags which contain gazillions of gazillions of dollars.

He makes it through customs and his funds are easily detected by the radioactive, cancer causing, screening machines. He takes an airport limousine to the city Central, where he stays in a local hotel. In the morning, he goes to his place of worship, donates some money, and joins a prayer circle, singing Kumbaya, all Vatican Bank approved of course. The mobster then takes a limousine with his investments to a major bank. There he meets the bank manager, tips him and opens an account. So all the paper work has to be signed, including the inspection of the consignment.

On his to do list, he buys a home in the right area of town, a luxury home too, all cash down. Next thing is to start a business; after all he does have start-up capital. With that in mind, he opens up the yellow pages and decides to buy a dozen escort service outlets. After all, he is a respectful business person. So he has a bank account filled with gazillions of dollars, a home in the right area of town, and a booming network of business with an excellent track record and promise of more money to come.

mobsterTo add a cherry to the top of the cake, this entrepreneur decides to become a lodge member. He goes through all the levels; he will become a member of the Masonic Lodge. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, and the funny handshake too! Somewhere, he meets an heiress from the right family, they find love in the right area of town, and they have a respectful, society wedding. 

Suppose that bank the gangster did business with was threatened with bankruptcy. Yes, he has the escort service and the heiress as a fall back plan but the money must NEVER disappear.  Let’s suppose, that lodge had like-minded individuals. Now there is a small community of business people, who are on his side.

So the governments decide to impose a 15% levy on every one’s bank account to bail out the Bank and save it from collapse. The lodge applauds this plan. The mobster thinks it is fair. There is, however, an outcry, forcing the government to vote against this initiative, leaving the wealthy unhappy. All those millions, billions, and gazillions of dollars.  So the government decides to take a huge cut out of everyone over one hundred thousand dollars, leaving the upper-class white with rage. So everyone else agrees with this plan and the government votes in favor of it. So the Russian mafia takes a haircut to save the banking industry in Cyprus.

Didn’t the entire Polish Government die in a mysterious airplane disaster? The ‘Key witness’ in this Polish presidential plane crash died by suicide too. Did they send Inspector Clouseau to investigate this accident, not Scotland Yard, or the famed James Bond? We all know in Canada, that the authorities would never get the answers if they dispatched the RCMP to the scene.  

That being said, let’s hope the entire Cyprus Government doesn’t book a flight to Moscow. After all, no one will investigate the suspicious deaths that are yet to come from this successful Cyprus bank bailout. No one in their right mind should mess with the Russian Mafia money. According to BBC news Malta, or Luxembourg maybe next for a bailout package to help save the EU’s tax havens?! By the way, some sources even suggest  Montego Serbia is set to become a tax haven. If you wish to watch an online film that delves into such conspiracies, watch the Seven Sisters.

1 Comment
  1. Jack Eason says

    Paul,
    your flippant appraisal of the Cyprus situation left me wondering. But I doubt that the good people of Cyprus are laughing right now.

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