The Trouble with Sex


We all chase that ‘feeling good’ flowering emotion in motion. We put our hope, dreams, and sometimes our hard-earned money into the four rituals of getting there; attraction, sexual stimulation, orgasm and resolution.

I wonder if such expectations actually bring closer together or actually tear us further apart. Is talking what you suffer through to get to sex?

sexy-girlsMen are strongly attracted to women with large breasts, thinner waists and broad hips. All these attributed to female pheromones. Likewise, women prefer men bigger than they are. Growth and degree of handsomeness can be attributed to human pheromones. Women want to be prettier and smarter. Men want to compete with us rather than bow to our pheromones.

Women need foreplay. Cuddling. A little hand action to the G-spot. It is also true some of us cannot fully satisfy our sexual instinct without love. Men need to fear less and talk more. To conquer fear is the beginning of desire for both sexes. The sad reality is that many of us don’t take the time to express our desires before sexual intercourse. I don’t think any of us should rush into sex. Steve Martin, the comedian says, “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”

A funny thing, millions have been invested in sexual arousal for women but nothing works as good as talking. Researchers tell us that there are four distinct reasons when women say no to sex; lack of desire, lack of arousal, pain on intercourse and lack of orgasm. I’m thinking there is a fifth. Timing is so important. She may want sex but it is just not the right time.

Yes, it is true women get tired and don’t feel the need for sex like men do. We want to have sex when we look good and are energetic enough to seduce rather than be blindsided. We don’t want to have sex with jerks. And, if sex is painful, we don’t want to do it. Our bodies usually follow our heads when it comes to arousal.

Trials have shown us that Viagra can help some women with lack of arousal by increasing blood flow to the genitals just like men. Because men reach their sexual peak at eighteen and women reach theirs at thirty-five, don’t you think the Science is playing a practical joke on the genders? For those of us who are addicted to “feeling good;” sex is kind of like air, it is only important if you’re not getting any.

Perhaps passing the buck to arousal drugs actually causes more fear and confusion between the genders. It causes conflict rather than pleasure when Science tries to outwit Mother Nature. Whether we like it or not, sex sometimes results in intimacy for our men and intimacy leads to sex for women. In summary, nobody dies from lack of sex. It is lack of love we die from.

The Trouble with Sex

The electric orgasm
Powers itself,
Flowers itself,
Opens itself
With lightning bolts
Generated by
The electric orgasm.

Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
© Copyright 3/30/07

  1. Robert Politz says

    Interesting article and I agree with the differences between sex and love.

    I once read some ancient Greek stories about their culture in which 15 year old boys were married (or paired with if you prefer – couldn’t translate that phrase) to 30 year old women. They stayed together for 15 years. She taught him, among other things, sensuality (and apparently enjoyed him and he her) during their time together. Then, they would split. The boy, now a 30 year old man, would take a 15 year old girl for a wife. The offspring would be his children and they too would stay together for 15 years, this time, he teaching her.

    Of course, today’s society would never stand for such a thing but the average life span then and now was quite different. For them, it seemed to work quite well and it fits with the biological differences between the sexes you mentioned above.

    1. Joyce White says

      Hi, thank you for your comment. Very interesting. I never heard about that. Sounds like an article in the making. Joyce

  2. Andrew J. Sacks says

    Joyce, thank you for yet another fascinating piece on human intimacy.

  3. Wanda Joyce White says

    Thank you, Andrew. I just reread this piece and laughed. I guess I forgot most of what I used to know through
    the years.

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