Excerpt(2): Psychology of Love, Marriage & Sex

If you are reading this, you are probably wondering if your love and sex life can be made even better. Good sex makes your brain gel and your body flame. No one needs to be alone in tackling the misunderstanding between the sexes.

I hope this book helps you develop a vital, powerful love life. There is no question about it, the “biggest sex organ” is always the mind. and negotiating your wants and desires are the keys in a couple’s satisfaction. Of course, cuddling lovingly and breathing in each other’s essence after coitus, will help both feel fulfilled and loved. Love affairs can be curious and wonderful, liquid strength with rhythmic energy to share between two.

But then I think of myself heartbroken when my longings were not his. Who snuffed out those flames and why doesn’t he love me like he use to? Backing off from intensity leaves us in so much pain, we often need months of silent healing. I personally can attest to the fact that letting someone get into bed with us takes a little recklessness and a lot of courage to try once our heart has been broken. It is also important that both partners devote enough time to make love and sex worthwhile. If he does not have time to take his boots off or her blouse, it hurts us to know they are there not to receive but to take instead. Sexual gratification is best served when appreciated.

If you and your partner cannot spend enough time together, it is also very likely that the development of your love affair will stagnate and grind to a halt quickly. Some young couples expect their bodies to work like machines. We are not machines we can turn on and off with a button.
No one married or single experienced or not, goes to bed without some sort of sexual misgivings. If it is your habit to turn the lights off you might be one of these people. If you are wondering how to bring back intimacy or excitement, remember our hearts and minds cannot be treated separately; they are kind of woven into each sexual traveler whose destination is seldom known. If you are embarrassed by sex in the beginning, perhaps you need to talk about your fears and inhibitions before the clothes come off or the lights come on. Self-pleasuring leads to self-knowledge as is sharing information on each other like what erogenous zones turn you both on?

The more we talk about our sexual fears and trepidations, the more our confidence will arise. No one wants to be pressured into having sex especially women. Dr. Tony Grant, author of, Being a Woman says, “Women are passionately concerned about love, involved in it, and in search of it. Love is a female preoccupation, more the business of women than of men.” The Chinese Tao of Sexology says, “…a woman’s orgasm is likened to a flower, unfurling from the center, blooming in the sun as petal after petal unfolds. Inside herself she opens up entirely and surrenders to the man who can take her at any place and bring her to the most intense ecstasy…” A decline in spontaneous desire can be avoided by imaginative stimulation of mind and body resulting in the Science of Ecstasy.

Without a doubt, attaining and keeping of love is the single most popular theme employed in poetry, music, movies, television shows, novels and eBooks like mine. Corinthians 13 reminds us, that love does not keep a record of wrongs, love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up. Its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal. There is faith, hope and love; of these three the greatest is love. Of course, love is mystical and much more than just a chemical attraction to others. With our child wonder still so easily accessible, there is nothing too ridiculous when contemplating the ecstasy of evoking passion in potential lovers. After all, most of us have an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. When each of us groans from loneliness and boredom, we should remember it is our head and ass that gives us the most joy, as well as the most trouble and pain.

And, yes, sex is good for us in many ways. It lowers our stress levels. It helps us look between four and seven years younger. In fact, a large national study, women in their forties and fifties reported having more orgasms than women in their early twenties. Alyssa Mandel, an Arizona therapist says, “What’s amazing is that repetitive, positive changes can alter brain chemistry and actually create new neural pathways.” These new neural pathways cause loss of appetite, sleeplessness, mood swings, tendency to daydream, obsessive thoughts dancing through our mind, and irrational actions that supersede good sense. Sex changes. We change, Relationships change. Our bodies change. We need to remain open to change and be ready for it one way or the other. Medical studies have repeatedly shown that companionship of family, friends and romantic partners is more crucial to our physical and mental states than we would suspect. It is even true people who are married live longer lives. Children grow faster, become more alert, and are better adjusted once they start school. We live in the state of perpetual searching for someone to love, something to do, something to love or something to hope for. We must surrender and we must be submitted to. We are hungry to be both the master and the slave to love.

We all have our secrets to make ourselves more alluring for potential lovers. For instance, women shave their legs and men shave their faces. Men like to pump iron. Both genders pump their credit cards for perfumes and lotions. We dab these come-hither blossoms and spices to our erogenous zones like the wrist, the neck and the bust. Dr. Tina Tessina, Relationship Expert, says it all in her poem, “O thorny Rose! Were you easy to pluck, would your fragrance be as sweet?” What we often overlook in our mania to seek a mate is the more basic issue of needing companionship. We are social creatures who need to find others to share our lives with. Love is more than icing on the cake; it is crucial to our existence.

Whether you seek a lifelong mate, or simply want a new best friend, there are many ways to begin being sensual. Firstly, begin by putting your energies into being pleasing others; secondly, make yourself available; and thirdly, and this is the most important, practice on loving others who most need it. New love can immediately make our eyes sparkle, our cheeks glow, and our lips pucker. Pay attention to your pheromones that are in a high “come and get me” mode when aroused. As a poet, I would describe our pheromones like little flashes of lightning that glitters with fragrance when we most desire them.