Posted by Anderson Andrea
on Mar 11th, 2011 and filed under Children Story, Short Story.
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Great story. Watch out for that habit of yours of always using the Lion’s name when ‘he’ will suffice. Oh, one other tiny point – don’t forget about your punctuation especially when your characters are speaking, some was missing.
Really liked your story Anderson and the messages about self-acceptance that are embedded throughout. Really enjoyed and laughed at the line, “And I tell you another thing,” angrily said Cindy, a giraffe spends as much time as an elephant in the sun and a giraffe will never wrinkle.”
The only thing I might have changed was the ending. A lion hugging an elephant was a little much.
Some comments were missing because it’s very rough.Thanks for the feedback.
Hi Gabriel,
Thanks for the nice comment, and I am very flattered.
“And I tell you another thing,” angrily said Cindy, a giraffe spends as much time as an elephant in the sun and a giraffe will never wrinkle.” This is my favorite part as well.
Great story. Watch out for that habit of yours of always using the Lion’s name when ‘he’ will suffice. Oh, one other tiny point – don’t forget about your punctuation especially when your characters are speaking, some was missing.
well done.
Really liked your story Anderson and the messages about self-acceptance that are embedded throughout. Really enjoyed and laughed at the line, “And I tell you another thing,” angrily said Cindy, a giraffe spends as much time as an elephant in the sun and a giraffe will never wrinkle.”
The only thing I might have changed was the ending. A lion hugging an elephant was a little much.
Hi Jack,
Some comments were missing because it’s very rough.Thanks for the feedback.
Hi Gabriel,
Thanks for the nice comment, and I am very flattered.
“And I tell you another thing,” angrily said Cindy, a giraffe spends as much time as an elephant in the sun and a giraffe will never wrinkle.” This is my favorite part as well.