December 21, 2009 I met Sam today, the son of the woman who told me Nicholas had Autism and who held me that first day when I cried. It wasn’t intentional this time, bumping into her son. I’d deliberately put myself in front of her with Nicholas that first day. I’d had a sudden wavering [...]
I’m adding my drop to the ocean of pages, literature, diagnostic criteria, and expert voices out there because in my life I don’t know if I will ever quite leave off the pain found in allowing my voice to wisp away in the presence of a person I saw as the expert more qualified than me. In her sight out of fear or I don’t even know what I placidly ignored what I knew.
October 26, 2009 I called the Regional Center today. It is an organization that provides help for families with kids who have special needs. I got a worker assigned for Nicholas. I described his symptoms and we used the word Autism and Autism spectrum a few times. It was all so civilized. Numbing the affability [...]
Dread fills me. Throbbing, dull pain radiates in my palms and fingers. I relax my stranglehold on the steering wheel, slowly loosening my grip, but it’s temporary. Within seconds, I am squeezing once more. I hate this journey, especially this one. The last visit I will make to see my mother. Duty is the purpose, [...]
On Mother’s Day I feel a need to reflect. There are things I’ve learned as a direct result of my walk with my son’s Autism. There are things that I think have value and ones I would not trade even if it meant I could suddenly wake up to a son who could say my [...]
